Frightening
It's frightening, coz if i don't get a scholarship, and i get THE COURSE, it means 2 years without salary, plus another 15grand of moolah!
It's frightening, coz it's taking a deeper step of commitment to steward my life well and be fruitful.
It's frightening, coz it's another step of commitment to pour out my life in a way that God wants. And I know that there's no halfway about that. At the very end, it means an obedience, even to suffering and discomfort, and self-denial, even to death.
It's frightening, coz it's a commitment to forego my secret desire of being a homemaker, being a lady of leisure, living a life of indulgence and frivolity.
It's frightening, coz it's a step out of familiar territory.
But
2 Timothy 1:11-13 (New International Version)
And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.
So, yeah, i know it'd be fruitful. i know whom i have believed. Nothing compares to the promise i have in Him.
**********************************
But actually......the excitement outweighs the fear!!
The thought of going to grad school, of being a student again, really thrills me. Learning new things, sharing ideas, debating theories, gaining a new understanding of the world, a new perspective. And of coz the lifestyle too. Sitting, listening, absorbing, discussing like an adult, with adults. And not just adults, but i suppose they'd be brainy, interesting, fascinating folks from all over the world (the intake is 80% international students)
And i sooooo want to finally experience LEARNING in a school.
I've actually never really LEARNED in a school setting, other than in Primary School. Been drifting ever since Sec School, never thought about the meaning of life, never thought about what i should do, who i should be and become in order to make my life useful and meaningful.
So, sadly, i cheated myself of the chance to really study and learn. All the way thru Uni. All the way till God zapped me.
And boy, am i hungry to REALLY study now.
***************************
in the course of decision making, i spoke to someone who offered me valuable insights. i must say i am impressed... and inspired.
******************************
An hour with a grouch, and my sky-high mood may dive.
An hour with a bitter cynic, and my hopefulness takes a beating.
An hour with an experienced man of substance, and vision widens and ideas grow.
A minute with God, and i am lifted, hopeful, at peace, and everything makes sense.
***************************
What is Time?
Time is what you make of it.
Time is Who you spend it with.
No comments:
Post a Comment