Saturday, June 30, 2007

Ambitious Me

it's funny that when we speak of HQ-postings and pursuing a masters' , many assume it is a career-building move. Ummm...me? Career-building??? i'm not playing snakes and ladders with my life. For me, it's not about who gets to be a millionaire first. It's not about who gets promoted first.

I'm not one who craves for power and more work, but i DO want to change the world. So if power and work will enable me to change the world, then fine. If not, forget it. i'd rather be a tai-tai.

I believe my Commander has given me a fight-post where i am to be stationed. I have a current station, and ahead of me, according to his wisdom, he has planned perhaps a couple more.
He knows what i am good at, what i'm not. So if God hasn't chosen that spot for me, i don't want it. When He gives me a position, it's because there is work to be done there. so i must be constantly preparing, learning, alert. I need to be always learning (and here's where the Masters' program comes in), so when i get there, i have what it takes to get the job done. I don't want the title to be a shell.

Not that i have no ambition. Just that positions and titles are not my goals.
It's bigger than that, you see.
I want to change the world.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

What is Time?

Have been praying and pondering about pursuing a Masters...

Frightening

It's frightening, coz if i don't get a scholarship, and i get THE COURSE, it means 2 years without salary, plus another 15grand of moolah!

It's frightening, coz it's taking a deeper step of commitment to steward my life well and be fruitful.

It's frightening, coz it's another step of commitment to pour out my life in a way that God wants. And I know that there's no halfway about that. At the very end, it means an obedience, even to suffering and discomfort, and self-denial, even to death.

It's frightening, coz it's a commitment to forego my secret desire of being a homemaker, being a lady of leisure, living a life of indulgence and frivolity.

It's frightening, coz it's a step out of familiar territory.

But

2 Timothy 1:11-13 (New International Version)
And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.

So, yeah, i know it'd be fruitful. i know whom i have believed. Nothing compares to the promise i have in Him.

**********************************

But actually......the excitement outweighs the fear!!

The thought of going to grad school, of being a student again, really thrills me. Learning new things, sharing ideas, debating theories, gaining a new understanding of the world, a new perspective. And of coz the lifestyle too. Sitting, listening, absorbing, discussing like an adult, with adults. And not just adults, but i suppose they'd be brainy, interesting, fascinating folks from all over the world (the intake is 80% international students)

And i sooooo want to finally experience LEARNING in a school.
I've actually never really LEARNED in a school setting, other than in Primary School. Been drifting ever since Sec School, never thought about the meaning of life, never thought about what i should do, who i should be and become in order to make my life useful and meaningful.
So, sadly, i cheated myself of the chance to really study and learn. All the way thru Uni. All the way till God zapped me.
And boy, am i hungry to REALLY study now.

***************************
in the course of decision making, i spoke to someone who offered me valuable insights. i must say i am impressed... and inspired.
******************************
An hour with a grouch, and my sky-high mood may dive.
An hour with a bitter cynic, and my hopefulness takes a beating.
An hour with an experienced man of substance, and vision widens and ideas grow.
A minute with God, and i am lifted, hopeful, at peace, and everything makes sense.
***************************
What is Time?
Time is what you make of it.
Time is Who you spend it with.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

When I grow up, I wanna be...

Had a lovely time at the very lovely Sheraton Grande Laguna Phuket 's Island Villa.
Ranked as one of Asia Pacific's top 5 resorts, and it's easy to see why. Highly reccommend it!!! Will definitely write more about it - once i download and collate the photos (and some would suspect that this means never).

Anyway, daddy was telling us about Mr HKP and his bold, "irreverent" spunkiness during OCS and later on in his life. He sounds like a nice fella, and what's especially cool is that in spite of his success and significant material possessions, he's still down-to-earth, still a man of character. (or so says daddy. i don't know- i haven't met him.) I'm always impressed and inspired by successful people who do not turn into ... well... spineless lame dogs or blood-thirsty wolves. Trials and tribulations build character, and Success seems to be a great test of character.

But it's really his wife whom i am more interested in.

I remember reading about her in magazines in my growing up years. (Woman of the Year, was an NMP, had long silky straight hair, held her weight amongst mighty men in the marketplace, always impeccably dressed, lotsa style and class, happily married, and to a rich man.)

And as i talked about what i remembered of her , i realized that she had, strangely, affected my life even though i have also never met her. Perhaps because she was portrayed as an icon of female success during my growing up years, those widely-publicised traits have somehow become my subconscious markers of success then. Yes, even down to that long straight silky hair part.

And i don't have the slightest clue about the really important aspects of her as a role-model - like is she selfless? Gentle? Patient? Filial? Humble? Truthful?

It's like the world has joined forces to establish "Miss Perfect" into the minds of young girls, based on surface, material, worldly traits which right now (with renewed mind, perhaps?) i cannot fully agree with.

Cinderella was just as kind and virtuous and complete when she was grubby and cleaning the house. Why did it seem as if things were made right only when a prince came? (sublimal message: girls need a rich and powerful man to rescue/ complete them). Why did she need a fairy god-mother to dress and adorn her to be made attractive? (sublimal message: key to success for women: looks, looks, looks!) And what was the basis of a marriage relationship? Just lust and passion-of-the-moment. Woman's responsibility: Look good. Look, when Prince Charming fell for her, he didn't know she was kind, patient, loving, long-suffering etc alright. He spotted a fresh-faced beauty, they danced and that was it! there wasn't even any honesty and open-ness in their relationship! She hid her humble roots from him, didn't even tell him where she stayed, what her hobbies were, what her values, goals and dreams were...

actually , i love fairy tales. They are enjoyable. And the actual morals-of-the-stories are usually valid and honourable. Many before me have picked bones regarding the unpolitically-correct details. My bone is not that they are un-PC, but that they establish some incorrect values into a child, and the problem is that they're usually read at an age when the self-worth and value system of a child is being shaped.

So instead of traditional fairy-tales for bedtime-reading, my kids are gonna get their dose of David and Ruth and Esther and Deborah and Mother Teresa.

And from young they'll know that happily-ever-after doesn't just come because they got married and the birds came to sing at their wedding. They'll know that happily after is when they arrive in heaven, and God says to them "well done good and faithful servants".

They'll know that they're precious not just when a Prince decides they're pretty enough to be his bride, or when they're rich and powerful and can get the babes at the roar of their Ferrari. They'll know that they are precious because Jesus loves them and made them and suffered for them.
They'll know that life is not about amassing wealth and fame. They'll know that even if they spend their days on earth in pain, poverty and suffering for their love for Jesus, it is a joy, an honour, and a life well-lived.
They won't grow up being obsessed about having straight silky hair or the coolest gadgets or the swankiest apartments, but they'd be concerned about their character growth and the old lady living alone in the one-room flat.


Man, they'd be aliens! =)

**************


But there being 365 days in a year, and perhaps 8 years worth of bedtime reading to be done for each child, i'd need 2920 stories!

Gosh i hope i'd be able to find enough of those.... Or perhaps i can write them myself! Heyyyy.... That'd be fun! Huiping u wanna be my illustrator?

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Revived and Raring to go!

Camp Revival was fabulous... i think it's the Best Camp Ever! =)

Healed of disappointments, took time to pray and ponder some issues that were on my mind,
heard from God, rekindled fire and love.

Reading his word and praying and fasting etc are not just for spiritual growth and intimacy, but is part of putting God first. It's part of loving God most, above all earthly comfort and treasures.

Relationship with CG grew, barriers crumbled and distance narrowed.
got to know other church members better. got to meet the lovable Sunday School Children.

Heart bled for time lost while i was out of church being naughty.
Heart bled for time lost while i was in church being dissatisfied and distracted.
Determined not to lose time again.

My heart responded,

I Love You, I will love Your Church.
I Love You, I will build Your Church.

So much so much more to say, but i gotta go...
For Holidays Part 2 !!! =)

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Funny Genealogy Anatomy Psychology

Was talking with kor and khian about feet...

and we realized the three of us had the same weird thoughts about feet and toes:

Our Big Toe feels like it should be the second toe.
The Second Toe is secretly the third toe.
Coz the heel is somehow secretly the Big Toe.
The Last toe is definitely the last toe.
The third and fourth toes are confused.

We've never discussed this before, but we three, independantly, had the same thoughts and feelings!

So we checked with munch, and he gave us a perplexed, "errr...i think you are all weird but i shan't be rude and say that" look, and said he never felt that way about his toes and feet.

Y'know, what we learn about family trees and soul ties and all that...
It could be more real than you think.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Die, Bug, Die!

Awwwww... gonna miss the show for the next 2 weeks!
I like watching Beauty and the Geek.
Like watching how strangely cutely geeky the guys are.
Reminds me of Sam King Coward! ;) shootz! i have a thing for geeks!
The girls aren't all that gorgeous though - ok, not that i'm any better, but to be on a show called BEAUTY and the geek, they should at least be 7/10 on the Beauty scale right?
But check out that Cecille Gahr. (o wait...u can't check her out in the pic above coz i photoshopped her to make her look better.) u can check her out here if u REALLY want to. Trust me, you don't.
EEEEEEEEEEWwwwwwwwwwwwww she's gross. Definitely no Beauty. Should've casted her on Bitchy and the Geek instead.
I suppose God loves her too, so i shouldn't hate her. But i can't help disliking her! She's evil and speaks in such a titsy (ok, there's no such word) way and actually PRACTICES pouting coz she thinks it's sexy, and she's so lazy (poor nate!). Classic Bimbo B from Hell!
She makes me squirm watching her... yet i still am hooked.
Strange right.
It's like reading Xiaxue - endless bad-tempered verbage, nothing new nor edifying, yet i still read.*embarrassed*- if just to see how bad she gets.
It's like reading complaints about the gahmen, system, cost of living, civil service - futile, negative, passive and unproductive, yet i still read.
It's like ... looking at your own boogie to check its colour and texture.
It's as if we (or i ) have a strange bug in the brain that looks out for ugly things.
The same brain bug that enjoys gossips, that strains to eavesdrop on the neighbours' quarrels.
That damned bug made me shout "Bitch Bitch Bitch!" at the TV last night.
THE BUG MADE ME DO IT!
ok..i know... stop making excuses and start taking responsibilities.
Fine... my bad...
i shall not hurl abuses at Cecille.
for the next 2 weeks.
oh ok, forever.

Blue Big Bird!

Monday, June 04, 2007

God gave me a Shooting Star! =)

A lovely weekend.




can u spot a crab in the photos?

hint: it's bright, red and happy!


Had dinner with in-laws on Saturday, and with family on Sunday. Mummy's Birthday!
We had dinner at Casuarina, then sent Khian to Pasir Ris coz he had to book in @ 6:15pm.
His tag is LK Yeo. Which is the same as Kor's. Wonder why my initial is so different from theirs. Why wasn't i called like.. Lik King or Lik Kiat or Lik Kan or Lik Koon or something liddat?

Anyway, mum wanted to get packet drinks from NTUC, so we went to White Sands. Mum checked the price and said Sheng Shiong was charging $0.35 less, and so decided not to buy anything.

me: huh? but we already parked.
mum: Sheng Shiong cheaper. Only $1.80 there i think!
me: but the parking alone is more than the price difference! (it was $2) Why didn't you just buy at Sheng shiong just now then? $1.80 is very cheap wat.

At this point Daddy turned around and secretly signalled to me that i shouldn't ask any more.

Hehe... well, i take after her in many of such aspects, so i shan't say anything mean. =P

It also matters to me that i buy stuff at the lowest possible price whenever possible. Back in uni days, i shuttled between Liberty and NTUC at Jurong Point to find cheaper groceries. Even now, i try to remember which items are better purchased at Shop N Save (extension wires and certain items on offer.)and which at NTUC (cereal, juice etc. Actually most items)
Except i include travelling cost etc to my equation, so i won't, for example, take a $10 cab ride to save $4, or pay $2 in parking fees to save $0.35 [Ahem...at this point, kindly take your textbooks out and revise the Trading Account. Now you know why we need to add Carriage Inwards to the Cost of Goods Sold?]

well, so anyway, we then sent kor to the airport. He's going to Holland. Without me. Evil fella. But yeah, tasked him to find out about Blue Big Bird. (Egbert said that in Holland, BigBird -yes the Sesame Street big yellow thing- is blue in colour, to reflect the prevalence of drugs over there) I suspect he was kidding us, like how freddy told jeanette there was a dolphin staying in the canal near Bendemeer. It sounds stupid, and under normal circumstances, if it was a "True/False" quiz, we would never believe it. But when good friends offer these nuggets of information out of the blue, having no apparent motive to deceive us, why not believe right? (Like when someone said she's pregnant...)

Kor was super-early for his flight, so we hung around and had mum's birthday cake. Considering that we just had our dinner and were ALL claiming that we were too full to have any cake, it was amazing that we wiped out the entire cake.
Like i said, we just wanted to talk forever and eat forever together if we could. Perhaps that's a natural desire that God programmed into people. That's why there's a wedding banquet between Jesus and the church at the End.

Munch n i spent the night at Neram, in the tent on the roof top. =) We were praying together while staring at the sky, and i suddenly felt prompted to ask God for a shooting star. But at that point i was praying for YT & R and J & E, and it seemed a lil disorganized and self-absorbed to ask for frivolous stuff like that, so i thought, ah well, perhaps later.

Then a minute later, WE SAW A SHOOTING STAR!
i was stunned into silence.
only He is capable of such things. =)

Heeeeee =) But just to make sure i am not zi-zuo-duo-qing, i asked mum this morning if she sees shooting stars regularly. She said she hasn't seen one in her days of "camping" under the sky.

See, that was my present!

Wheeeeeeeeee!

Psalm 17:6-8
I call on you, O God, for you will answer me;
Give ear to me and hear my prayer.
Show me the wonder of your great love,
You who save by your right hand
Those who take refuge in you from their foes.
Keep me as the apple of your eye;
Hide me in the shadow of your wings.

Yes, it matters to me that he loves me.
It matters to me to know that i can still hear him, make out his voice.
It matters to me that he hears and answers prayers.
Because i want to hear him and speak for him.
Because i want to speak and intercede for people, and see them live blessed and victorious lives.

Coz that's my place and real role in this world.
Ha, what was i thinking when i let temporal duties of this world overshadow my real duty to God and humanity?

Saturday, June 02, 2007

For the Neurotics in Us All

Dedicated to Lik Khian,
who believed that the Security Guards were evil and were trailing him.
Dedicated to Believers of the Conspiracy Theory,
may you live to see who Big Bro/Sis is, and live to convince the world.
Dedicated to the Neurotics among us, and the Neurotics in us.
May sanity prevail.
Peace.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Prawn Fishing

Neram is getting repainted, so dad n mum are currently camping in a tent on the roof top. It looks fun... =) i shall go back and camp with them one of these days.
Invited them to stay with me, but they felt packing+unpacking+parking were a bit of a hassle, so they declined. (i'm just finding all kinds of reasons to get more of them! ;P ) Came over with kor and khian for breakfast on Thursday morning though, and i enjoyed it. Not just the food, but eating together with everyone. We ate and ate, and when we were done with the prata, we went for tau huay. If i had more time and more stomach space, i wish we could just go on eating together forever.
I like being with them. I miss them. Kor is going to Holland next week, and khian will be back in camp again... family time is so rare and precious now. But i thank God for the 27 years i had staying with them.

Went prawn fishing with the CG after that.
Pics!


more pics!