Today the Chorale goes for SYF Central Judging.
Today i know i'm not properly connected, but have learnt to behave ok. but i don't really want to think i'm ok when i'm not, i don't want to live a shell of a life, the semblance of a Christian - worse, a church leader - but having nothing beneath.
but i don't want to go around sulking coz that wouldn't help anyway. Now what? How do i get out of this?
Not being ok is not just becoz of my busyness. So i don't suppose my road to recovery is to quit everything. but it does mean that i have nothing to give anymore. reservoir's run dry. The little spurts once a week or so is simply not enough. How to feed others?
So for now, munch is gonna do the bible teaching segment for club. And the worship.
And i really need God... i really need the intimacy with Him again. Otherwise, i simply cannot do what i'm supposed to do, life will never be fruitful, nor meaningful. There wouldn't be a purpose to living. I wouldn't know why i'm a teacher. I wouldn't know why i shouldn't be a Sunday Christian.
Lift me up from the deep, dark waters, and place me in a spacious place. So i may see as You see, understand as You want to reveal. Draw close to You and let everything fade away, so that I can live as your child, your beloved, victorious, free, fruitful, powerful. dwell close to Your heart.
That's the only place i want to be. nowhere else God.... i remember the prayer , and i ask you again... that if i wander from your presence, if your spirit distances from me, i would suffocate, so that i would know, so that i could never be far from you. i could get used to a life without food, or a life without warmth.
But never let me get used to a life without You, Jesus. That's a life i'd rather not live.
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