why were you up all night? and what was that nobbly thing sticking out of my tummy? Was that your arm? Or was that your knee? What were you doing when i felt you flip like a fish? Why do you give sudden punches?
I love feeling you move, even though it keeps me up all night, even though it sometimes hurts. i love how close you are to me all the time. i love knowing when you are awake and when u are asleep. i love prodding at you to elicit a response. i love guessing your position as you squish around inside me.
You used to look like a little cashew nut, now you've taken on human shape. We saw you wave your little arms, move your little legs. We heard your heartbeat, we looked at your face... Baby, those times we looked at your ultrasound images, the puking was forgotten, the sleepless nights don't seem to count.
It's so hard to imagine, sometime next month, we're finally gonna see you!
i wonder if you'd have your daddy's brow bone. Last night as you danced the night away, i looked at daddy sleeping, and tried to imagine how you'd look like if you had his browbone and nose. I hope you'll learn to be patient like him, kind like him, giving like him. And i hope one day you'll marry a man like him. Little One, you know you're so blessed to have a daddy like yours. He loves us so much, he gives of himself to caring for us... Love him too, baby, and try not to break his heart. Be respectful to him always, be sweet, be loving. Honour him and treasure him always, dear one.
so, so soon, you'll be coming out into the world. The world's so different from this womb you're used to my darling. i think about the times i've been heartbroken, the times i've been distressed, and baby, i so hate to ever have you broken hearted. i wish i could always shelter you from those pains. yet i know i can't and i shouldn't. One day, an unkind word may pierce you, a friend may hurt you, a boy may break yor heart. Baby, one day you may hide in your room and sob. You probably would think i don't know, you probably would think you're crying alone. My heart would be broken with yours, but i'll remember to let you grow, i'll remember to let you learn, i'll remember to let you decide.
I'll remember to remind you that along with the sadness, there's beauty too.
There may be so much expectations on you one day. i may be guilty of that. Remind me then, of the times when just your heart beating, just you moving around, was more than enough for me. Remind yourself then, that it wasn't Mummy who made you, but God. That you are His masterpiece, that you're so precious. And because God stitched you together inside of me, that's reason enough for me to love you always, unconditionally.
So grow up well, my little one. Be wise, love God, love others. You don't need the best schools, you don't need the best grades, you don't need the best clothes, but be the best little child God made you to be.
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