remember to be grateful

You know how pregnant women often have a bad rep for being grouchy and fierce?
And how teachers too have that bad rep?
And drivers?

Ooooh, bad combi! Put them all together and you've got.... ME!

When i'm driving and not praying, i find that i'm super critical and impatient. i get irritated at the cars that turn slowly and make me miss the light. i get irritated at the people who jaywalk without looking. i get irritated at the taxi-drivers who seem to think it's their birthright to take 2 lanes at a time and never have to signal. And i actually mutter at them. (Not vulgarities - but only because i find them lowly and of poor taste and are simply not part of my vocabulary. ahem-ahem. *dabs at lips with a lace handkerchief*) But i think the anger and venom in my heart at those moments were equally nasty.

I thot of my daddy, and recalled that he never was mean-mouthed in all the years i sat in his car... the most he did was high-beam at people... uh-oh! what was happening to me?? If i'm not careful i'm gonna end up like those foul-mouthed, horn-tooting people!

***

Yesterday, after a frustrating morning (unsettled bulk collections and forms, missing trainer marring my supposed-to-be-relaxed-friday, more puking...) i met my hod for a review.
Near the end of our meeting he asked, "are you happy? i know last year was hard, but are you happy this year?"
i thought for awhile... yeah, actually i'm happy.
then i kept thinking... i've got so many other things to be grateful for, i really should think about these rather than wasting time being irritated by unworthy things!
***
i am grateful...
that i have lovely colleagues. i love the mummies who are ever willing to share their experiences and advice, lend a listening ear, share funny stories, and are a source of support and understanding.
I am grateful that the bosses have been more understanding and supportive than i expected.
i am grateful for the comfortable company at the staff lounge, where we have, over the months, learnt each other's eating habits and preferences, traded opinions and stories and newspaper sections.
i am grateful for a helpful and godly co-form who truly cares for my class, and is dependable and capable.
i am grateful that going to school doesn't distress and depress me like it did during my practicum days.
i am grateful for the joy of seeing ex-students, seeing them being well and happy, seeing them coming back to school.
i am grateful for the pleasantness and maturity of the Sec 5s.
i am grateful that we're shortlisted for validation.
i am grateful that there's gonna be a salary revision.
i am grateful that today's Saturday, and i get to rest and read.
i am grateful for munch, and his gentleness and patience.

***
i am grateful...

that cg always turns out to be "worth it".
So many times, i felt i couldn't possibly live through another few hours of talking, of fellowship, of being awake. So often i was tempted to opt out and go to bed...

but it just starts getting better once cg starts....

Perhaps it's the genuine love of the people. Perhaps it's the cheeriness(sometimes forced) and concern (genuine) they have for everyone. i mean, each probably went thru a similarly tiring week, have issues they are facing, yet they turn up, yet they put their own needs aside, yet they try to minister to others...)
Perhaps it's the antics of eliz and edwin, whose sense of humour never fail to surprise and bring a hearty chuckle. i love how jokes and hilarious comments are always at the tip of their tongues, how ready they are to break into an impromptu song or drama or dance, yet always know when to be sensitive and are real enough to bare their souls in the blink of an eye.
Perhaps it's the healing and restoring that takes place during worship. Perhaps it's the awareness of God's sovereignty and love when we meet him in prayer. Hearing his voice - sometimes in the stillness, sometimes in revelations, sometimes in songs, sometimes in the discussion of the word. A sudden reminder, a sudden command... bringing me back to the purpose of my existence, the sanctity of my role as his lover and friend. And the pains of being in the world fades in comparison.

Perhaps it's the testimony of the people, who are also holding on, making sacrifices, loving our Jesus together, trying our best to get it right, having a zillion weaknesses, yet wanting to do what's right anyway, wanting to get there. The unsaid camaraderie of a fellow sojourner.

Perhaps it's just God's grace and concession. Because it is His command in the first place to never give up meeting together, He "has to" make it feel good. ;)

Or perhaps in spite of what i think, in spite of my craving for solitude and rest, i am secretly still an "E" who secretly need people and bustle.

Whatever it is, i am thankful for the CG.

***
i have so much to be grateful for.
***