A morning conversation with my Potter

Woke up this morning feeling rested. Upon checking the clock, i realized i managed to sleep for almost 4 continuous hours! Plus, I wasn't feeling pukey, i actually felt well!! Happily thanked God.

I wanted to nudge the sleeping munch and ask him, "Ay, Righteous Man, you prayed for me ah?"

But I felt God calling me to speak with Him first.

So i struggled with God. Over my heart.
He won.
I asked Him to add water to my hardened clay. There were so many unyielding knots. Yet, I know He IS the potter. I am the clay.
Can i say to Him, "Please, i don't want to be used in hard labour. I don't want to be something that doesn't see fruits fast. I want it to be just fun and light work."?
No. He is the potter.

So i confessed my unyieldedness and put myself into His hands.

Will settled, and heart surrendered, I asked Him about ministry.

He gave me 3 + 3 persons to love.

What does that mean?

Do first, then I'll understand.

(ermmmm... so, please dun ask me yet kae? thanks for your patience so far...)

For the Love of ONE Madman

It was a long day. Jesus had spent the day teaching multitudes about the kingdom of heaven. (And we who teach should know how exhausting that would be. )
Yet, He didn't check into an inn for some shut-eye. He didn't say, "That's it for today!" and take a well-deserved rest. He still had something important to do. Important enough for him to forego rest. Important enough for him to cross the lake (no, it wasn't "along the way").
He was so tired that he would have slept through the squall, had his disciples not waken him up.
And when he finally got there, he delivered and ministered to a demon-possessed man.
Then he crossed the lake again, and continued healing and ministering to people - the lady with the blood problem, the girl who died....

****
What is man, that You are mindful of us?
Why were You always able to love others more than Yourself?
How is it You could give and love, even when we hurt and despise You?

Jesus is like that.
I need to grow in Christ-likeness.

****
Last Sunday, Pastor Tiak mentioned something about being discouraged, and returning to fishing for fish, instead of fishing for men.

Struck me.

For some time, i have been more conscious of the fleshly world than the spiritual realm.
Life has never been so mundane.
Why like that???
This mustn't go on.
Walk with your feet on the ground, but with eyes on the spiritual realm, girl. You know that's the only way to live.
****
When swamped by morning sickness and ill health, pregnancy seems to be just about that yucky miserable feeling.
Yet when i get to see Baby, when i see Baby grow, move, dance,
The perspective changes.

Haven't been keeping my eyes on the vision.
Need your perspective to be reloaded again, Lord.
****
A thousand times I’ve failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I’m caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never endingYour glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out…

*****
Jesus, would You cross the lake and come rescue me again?
This One Mad Girl?
Change me from the inside out, draw me closer to you, never let me take my eyes off You and Your Kingdom.

Baby's a Dancer!

Just got back from the gynae, and today, Baby's much bigger - about 2.5 cm!

Was really down (and weepy =P ) from the physical ordeals this week, but the moment Baby appeared on the screen, it all felt worthwhile.

Dr Joycelyn pointed out the heartbeat, and while we were marvelling at how much Baby has grown, Baby surprised us with a little dance!

First the arms/legs/body,

then the head started bobbing too!!!!!

=) =)

For those who were from Kidz Club from waaayyyy back, it kinda reminded me of Munch's caterpillar crawl =)

I soooo wish to put a lil CCTV camera inside me, so i can watch Baby dance all the time.

Love him/her!!

No video of the dance to share, but here's the latest pic!!

a closer look...

he/she has grown so much since the last picture right!

Tak Boleh Tahan... How long more???

Been feeling really uncomfy these days. ='(

Can't sleep at night, exhausted through the day. Digestive system doesn't quite work, stomach's weird all the time. The toilet bowl got half of my shangri-la dinner. The toilet bowl gets everything apple-ish that i eat too. Innocuous smells, even nice smells, make me gag. And i'm pukey and burpy throughout the day, without break. And it feels so lousy i just want to curl up in bed all by myself till the first trimester passes.

Super miserable.
I want to feel healthy again. =(

I am SOOOOOOO not gonna have another child. Can't imagine having to go through everything again...
Help me to persuade Munch lae. He wants THREE!!!

=O

But really, women all over the world survived this... and even had like, 12 kids!!! How in the world do they cope??? Plus they may even have to work in the padi field throughout their first trimester. *shudder*
And i thought i was a tough gal.

Now i really appreciate my mummy. She used to say that she should be the one being honoured on our birthdays and not us. I used to think she was being weird as usual (in a good way). But now... it kinda makes sense...

ROAR! When it's Baby's Birthday, I'M GONNA GET THE PREZZIES!!!!

... and when it's my birthday...
Mummy, i'm taking you out!

Hui Ping's Married!

Contemplating...

Baby's First Picture

Went to the gynae yesterday and we saw our baby! Saw the funny shapeless form, the heartbeat and the doctor measured his/her height.... 10.2mm!!

That's like half the length of my fingernail, and yet, it contains a heart and a brain. So bafflingly amazing!

Anyway, here's baby's first pic!

For the uninitiated, the baby's the white blob floating in the black water bag.

Quick, tell me that's the cutest baby you've ever seen!

=)

Weird Babies, Geeky babies.

Had a nice time with the gals yesterday. It was Huiping's last Sunday as Miss Peck!
And she's supposed to hurry up and get herself pregnant too.
Coz we're supposed to be pregnant together, buy maternity clothes together, deliver together, let our kids swim together etc.
Jeanette decided that both peck and i will have weird kids.
She says she'll tell her kids not to play with ours.
Well, but then her kids are gonna be geeky kids coz Harold likes geeky kids.
And I think Weird Kids and Geeky Kids will still be friends.
=)

Hippity-Hoppity... a puke-free day! =)

A happy respite, a beautiful day!

Last night, my nausea lifted during P&P! It was the first time I felt normal in the last 2 weeks, and gosh, it’s glorious! =) All through the day, right up to now, I’ve been feeling mostly fine, except for small pockets of nausea here and there, but boy, do I treasure these past 16 hours or so!

And to add on to this hippity-hoppity-happity day, someone left these 2 cute lil babies on my desk!

I like the one on the left! So super cute!

Later I found out that it was Anne who gave me the pics. She had those pics at her desk when she was pregnant, and decided to pass them to me so I can look at cute babies often. People kinda say that if a preggy looks at cute babies often, her baby will be cute as well… I checked out pics of her babies – Daniel and Asher, and they’re both duper-cute, so maybe it works ;)

***

The tortures of the first trimester have been really draining so far.
I get morning sickness through the day, almost EVERY moment. My energy level dives – a simple day in school leaves me exhausted. Reading, using the computer, watching TV leaves me giddy and weak.
I have trouble sleeping at night - almost every hour, i wake up feeling just plain uncomfortable and frustrated.
I have horrendous food aversion. Even the thought of food makes me wanna cry and throw up. Yet, i have to make sure i get enough nutrients daily. Oh the torture of eating… followed by the torture of keeping the food in.
And I’m so super burpy, it’s like I’ve got an orchestra of frogs in me.

It's really weird for me... I'm so used to having a healthy body that rarely gives me any trouble. Now with all these first trimester symptoms, it's like having to learn to deal with a new, weak, perpetually sick body. What used to be simple is now a major exertion for the strange new weak pukey me.
Feels almost crippling, really.


The doctor said that i could go get an MC to rest when i need to. But this is quite different from a normal stomach upset, or flu, or sore throat, where a dose of medicine and a day of rest can solve the problem. This is gonna be with me perhaps for the next 6 weeks.

So i'm really unwilling to cut myself too much slack. If i succumb to an MC now, doesn't it mean over the next 6 weeks i'd constantly need to go on medical leave? If i cut myself too much slack now, doesn't it mean i'm just gonna slack through the next 7 months?

Seems like the only way to deal with this is to learn to cope with this strange new body - get accustomed to its weakness and weirdness, learn to force-feed myself nutritious food and psycho myself to keep the food in. Get used to the pukey feeling, and learn to go about daily duties in spite of it.

Or,

pray and ask God for a morning-sickness-free pregnancy. =)

***

meanwhile, my colleagues have been so sweet. =) their words of comfort, support, advice, sharing their own experiences, their offers of practical help... and zf who drove me out to buy lunch and back to school again.... it really does make a difference to a dreary day!

i feel so blessed!! =) =)

***

Oh, the one thing that marred this hippity-hoppity-happity day was…. Ermmm… Ifelldownthismorning… *blush*
Baby’s alright though, my hip/arm/knee took the rap.

But I guess it’s a clear warning for me to go shoe-shopping soon!