Hoping to be a Housewife, Learning to be a Leader

I've always harboured hopes of being a housewife. Especially when i'm overworked, stressed, tired... or just feeling lazy. How nice, if my duty in life is simply to make breakfast for munch, clean up the house, and go for gym/spa/facials/shopping in the afternoon, then come home and prepare a grand feast for dinner. Then i'd stand near the door, where i'd be able to hear munch coming home, and rush to greet him when he returns. Then he'd heartily enjoy the sumptious dinner, complete with homemade desserts (new one every day), and we'd go for a walk where he'd tell me all about his day.
And when the kids come along, i'd take them swimming in the afternoons, or go for picnics at the beach, where they can play, finish up their schoolwork, and we'd discover the great outdoors together. Then we'd prepare dinner for Daddy together, and surprise him at the door when he returns from work.
Ha. Very politically-incorrect... like a step backwards for feminists. hiakz. but that's my ideal life ;P I wanna be a xiao nu ren.

But... i know that's not what God has planned for me. haiz.... not a chance. God has made it quite clear.

So i suppose i have to learn.

Had work review with lloyd on monday.
And i know what i'm to work on. Managerial, leadership.
yes, i'm still stuck there.

The way i run the NE Committee, or the Kidz Club... it is apparent to me what i lack.
i just find it so hard to keep monitoring, insisting on my way, ensure compliance etc. i cut people too much slack. i don't push hard, i don't "scold", i care too much that everyone feels good and happy. Ha... remember writing about it before. my "paiseh-style" of leadership.
God allows me to see the vision, and my heart is very combustible when it comes to visions from God. But it's the managerial, day-to-day strategies, and monitoring of people that makes it fall flat.

I thought about it and decided i really dunno how to do it.
I thought of retreating, or just staying put and not learning, but i know that's not what God intends.
I thought about it and i still dunno how to learn it.
The only thing i know to do is pray that God will give that to me.

Pray pray pray then...

but i dunno how to answer to lloyd when he asks me what my plans to work on my AFIs are.

"i've decided to pray and ask God for the gift of managerial skills."