"I have to talk nicely to him, he'd get angry otherwise."
The teachers are afraid of the HODs, the HODs are afraid of the principals, the principals are afraid of the school supervisors... and they all are afraid of the parents.
And parents are afraid of the children.
It's not generally true, of coz, but ever so often we come across THOSE parents. Those who purport to be buddies with their kids, but actually treat them as their bosses. Those who never dare to discipline their kids, lest the kids get upset. Those who never have time to relate with their kids, much less to say impart values, practical skills, social skills...
My mummy reckons i shouldn't be too harsh on these parents. "When it's your turn you'll know how hard it is."
Well, ofcoz i dare not claim that i'd be able to parent perfectly. But my beef is with this increasingly rampant hands-off parenting approach. It's so easily rationalized away as inevitable, it's becoming more and more prevalent, yet it obviously doesn't work and its ill-effects harm the entire generation and beyond...we really need to do something about it.
Notice how almost everything about parenting can be outsourced these days? Parents want/need to work (and for national productivity's sake, they are encouraged to as well), so kids are left at childcare centres. People feel that pre-schoolers' education is extremely important. Values need to be inculcated! Proper languages need to be taught! Social skills too! And the solution? Pay the pre-school teachers more, so that we get better quality pre-school education, so that our kids have a chance to grow up with sound values/ language abilities/ eq/iq. And the parents have to work doubly hard, spend longer time away from the family, so as to pay that $1,300 a month child-care fees.
It's the same with financial literacy. My parents were the ones who taught me the importance of saving, of not spending more than what i have. In yesterday's papers, there was a report that says that parents see the importance of financial awareness - and that schools should teach students how to manage their finances.
And we see the same thing when it comes to values education, student's self confidence, social needs, emotional needs ... increasingly, the buck is ending with the government/ MCYS/MOE/counsellors/media, and not with the parents.
Which is weird isn't it?
While there ARE certain issues that need specialised skills (eg parent need to send kid to doctor coz parent don't have adequate know-how), surely a parent cannot and should not claim to be unable to do everything! For example, things like values, politeness, conscientiousness, integrity - surely the home is the right place to start?
"But my child spends more time in school than at home. I see her less than an hour a day!"
And why are we accepting this arrangement as acceptable/inevitable? Is it really alright to have a nation full of families who don't see each other, who don't have a real relationship with one another? To have teachers, schools, campaigns, government, counsellors carry the responsibility of "nurturing the whole child" while the parent claims "lack of time, hence no responsibility?"
We see young people cutting themselves, unable to cope with their emotions.Gangsterism, bullying, coarse behaviour, unable to relate civilly. Cutting classes, going missing, addicted to all kinds of things, ill-disciplined, beyond parental control.
So now we need school counsellors, Discipline Committees, Probation Officers etc etc for our youths.
Why not train up parents right from the start instead? Teach parents to relate/listen/set boundaries / manage anger/ set aside time?
Perhaps then all the growing pains would hae been more bearable? Perhaps they would grow up wiser? Have a healthy trust for and a good relationship with their own parents?
And then perhaps, just perhaps, the child would not have chosen to play truant/ cut herself/ join a gang?
Just like how MCYS promotes pre-marriage counselling, perhaps we should actively encourage parenting classes. Thing is, you know that those who really really need to attend would be those who would not. (or "cannot")
Make it compulsory perhaps? Or use incentives? No Baby Bonus till course completed? Frame it as a sort of "national service", and just like NSmen go for reservist, parents go on course during work-time, and the government compensates the employers?
Nurturing a child takes effort, personal attention, time, resources, skills, love... it's about time we all stopped fooling ourselves - there is no shortcut. It's not an economic waste to have parents work less, spend more time with their kids - forcing them if we have to. It's an economic waste - and a grievious sin - to neglect our kids and end up with a whole generation of people who are dysfunctional/ dishonest/not resilient/ lazy & ill-disciplined. And then spend all our resources on trying to undo the pain and damages that we have allowed to fester.
