Let this mark a new beginning

Apart from my burgeoning belly, my soul's been getting fat as well.

So fat it has taken over the pilot seat.

It has become too easy to explain away the need for sacrifices, it has become second nature to think rather than to pray.

I strain to hear His voice, but all i hear is my mind's chugging - logic, reason, eloquence, pride, affection...

This is a betrayal to the One who called me His woman, a betrayal to the One who said i was to be a spiritual being, to walk in the spirit, with my feet on the ground.

This cannot continue.

I wasn't created to be this, i wasn't saved to be this.

When my flesh is tyrannical, a food fast helps.

Now, i need a large dose of sacrifice, a spring-clean of my Google Reader subscription, and a better prayer and worship life.

That, and a lot of grace.

I'm just so thankful he didn't leave me be.

I heartily recommend...

Recommendation One: 

Picnic at Botanic Gardens.

Picnic at Botanic Gardens is fun coz

a) it's cleaner than East Coast Park. 

Rubbish-free, and fewer ants and bugs. Which is very important, you don't want to be fending off sandflies and ants all the time. It would be even better if the temperature was 5 to 10 degrees lower, but even so, we had a lovely lovely time.

b) there are lotsa cute babies and toddlers to look at and befriend! 

They're so much fun to watch! There was a little boy, about 2 years old, with long floppy hair who kept trying to walk a dog on a leash, but would fall each time coz the dog walked faster than him. Each time he fell, he cried, but got up and still insisted on trying again. =) =) 

And there was a group of kids who made rolling down the hilly slope look so fun i was tempted to join in. 

And there were two boys who took turns careening down the slopes in a shopping trolley. They stopped after a little accident though... boys ... ;P

Overall i think it's a nice feeling to see parents spending time with their kids =)

c) there are lotsa cute dogs too! 

i think this is the best part, coz Glory was obviously having so much fun with them. She'd (kind of) run over to a dog, and try to befriend them by speaking their lingo (woof woof woof). The dogs probably speak some other dialects, or perhaps Glory's not very conversant in Dog-ese... Invariably, after a quick sniff at her, they'd bounce off to check out one of their own kind. Unperturbed, Glory would (kind of) run after them to re-introduce herself to the new group (woof-woof-woof). Usually to no avail. But there WAS this dog who jumped up to kiss her though. And Glory didn't seem to mind at all. =)

Funny how she is so friendly and bold with dogs, but is getting so shy with people. These days, whenever anyone (other than popo, gonggong, papa, mama and aunty florencia) tries to talk to her, she'd cling on to my arm and bury her face. Whenever she sees a crowd, she'd turn on her shy-coy-guniang persona, and it takes a good hour to get her out of it. 

So when you next see her, i suggest some crawling and barking. Then perhaps she'd come over and introduce herself instead of acting coy...

Recommendation Two: 

Sermon on 17th May 2009

i heartily agree with what Pastor Tiak said!!  It is always enjoyable to listen to others sing the same tune, but it's dangerous coz (1) we could both be on the same wrong track and (2) i could just be listening selectively, hearing only what i want to hear. So what is more important is that his views are biblical, and "right-spirited". Hehe, it was one of those sermons where i kept muttering "that's right!" under my breath and nodded constantly... =) 

And while i fully agree with everything he said, it doesn't mean i came away with nothing more than an endorsement to my existing views. Pastor Tiak being Pastor Tiak, he's always deeper and biblical. When i first knew about the Aware thing, i felt uncomfortable with the way they did things. When i tried to figure out why, my most persuasive grounds were that that was not how Jesus did things. He didn't bother trying to takeover the government, the Senhedrin, establish himself as a king etc, but loved each person he came across individually. His main concern didn't seem to be establishing laws and legal systems to change people from the outside in, but from the inside out. Hehe, but for my weeks of thinking and pondering, i only reached the "intro" to pastor's sermon..."It's not Jesus' way " =) 

He spoke about the distinct role of the church vs the role of the government as set out in Romans 13, which i think all Christians should ponder on. He talked about whether or not religion and politics should mix. I admire that he doesn't try to be "balanced, pragmatic and politically correct", like someone trying to please his hearers or to manage bereaucracy, but is firstly biblical, and the rest flows from there. 

Other than giving me a deeper and more biblical basis for my opinions, there are practical actions i need to take too.

1)  i *secretly* like to laugh at certain ministers (like WKS, LBW...) and i probably should stop.

 But sometimes they really do and say strange things wat! Plus i *only* deride them in my mind, and at most make snide remarks about them to *only* my husband and parents! But fine, the attitude behind it is wrong. I should stop, really... 

2) Prayer for the nation. Pastor suggested praying for our family at breakfast, for the church at lunch and for the nation at dinner. He's right. Prayer would definitely help more than sarcasm.

Recommendation Three: 

The Line at Shangri-La

The oysters, sashimi, macarons... ooh....

i ate so much that my belly was stretched to the max - imagine stuffing your belly with a baby and like 3kg worth of food and drinks! 

But it was sooo good and the chocolate at the fondue fountain was so thick and rich, and ....

i think it's a must go. I sooo want to bring my mummy there coz i know she'd love the cakes and all, but then she's gonna stop us from eating all the raw food... hmmmmzzz.... gotta discuss this with kor. 

 ***

Yeaps, those are my three lovely discoveries over the weekend/yesterday. 

Now i've gotta start marking like CRAZY, and prepare for Glory's party this Saturday! =)

My baby's almost ONE!!!!!!!

=)=)=)

Oh, did i mention? 

I love love love my Glory! =)

Glory's First Happy Meal

It was another sweltering afternoon. Crazy hot and humid.Munch, Glory and I were out buying sweet potatoes and as we walked past McD, the air-conditioned environment and pictures of ice-cream proved too enticing. We ducked in for a quick snack and to enjoy the cool air. 

I put Glory into the red baby-chair, Munch got us a Milo McFlurry (not fantastic. stick to

 the Oreo McFlurry), and we happily tucked in. One mouth for Munch, one mouth for me. Aaahhhh.... shiokness!

We didn't realize how wrong it looked till Glory opened her mouth wide and said "Aaah!"

Oops. There we were, 2 adults, enjoying our ice cream when the kid has nothing, not even water.

With all seriousness, she looked at us, then at the ice-cream, and went "Aaah!" again, holding her mouth open in anticipation.

Now we were feeling seriously paiseh.

We quickly scanned the menu for salt-free and sugar-free food, and discovered that we could get her a corn-in-a-cup! And that's how Glory got her first Happy Meal.

Happy Glory with remnants of her First Happy Meal.

ok, we admit. Mama drank the Milo, Papa ate the cheeseburger. All Glory had was the corn. Some of it.

All gone!!

As all kids know, the major part of a Happy Meal is the toy.

The toy that came with her meal was a spherical thingy which opens up to reveal a mirror.

And when you press a button, the mirror lights up and reveals some dinosaur-like creature.

It was all lost on Glory though. 

She immediately proceeded to break the toy in half...

And gleefully did a chicken dance...

=) It was a Happy Meal alright.

So you think you are wise?

"Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbour bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness." James 3:13-17

So often i look around and see things which are not right.

This is oppresive. That is unjust. That is perverse. This is negligent. That is hypocritical. That is highhanded. That's just not working.

And i try to think up ways to "solve" them. 

And then i do what empty vessels do best - make a lot of noise. And when there's not much of an avenue to voice up, haha, i blog.

It relieves a kind of itch - it helps me clear my thoughts, it helps me get heard * or pretend i am*, it sometimes helps me see things in a different way, it sometimes reveals fallacies and presumtions and prejudices i have that is illogical.  It sometimes simply allows me to just rant, sometimes helps me remember. 

But it sometimes feels awful and empty after a while. It is, in the end, just an exercise of the mind, a scratching of emotional itches, a rousing of passions. Just a soulish activity which can never really satisfy.

It is not real wisdom. It is not real solution.

Am still slowly digesting The Spiritual Man. Last night's reading was about how good deeds done in the flesh is still unspiritual and worthless. I *think* i get the theory behind that, but i haven't quite grasped the practicality of it. Like i said i am really c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g through the book.

Is it similar to "wise" actions that result from logical and careful deliberations vs those that result from the spirit's leading? Does it vilify any reliance on logic and smarts and strategies? Or willpower or human determination? Or are we just to recognise the fultility of these, and seek to be increasingly spirit led?

In any case, it made me think about the recent "Aware saga" - yeah i know, you probably retched when you saw those words. It makes me feel sick too, and not merely because it has been over-reported everywhere. I find the whole episode sickening and saddening, and i don't agree with either sides.  

Religious beliefs and ideological differences aside, i think the "means" is wrong for both parties. 

And for the side that i personally feel should be called to a higher standard, my instinctive disappointment and discomfort is that its stance is so combative and legalistic, and speaks so little of love. 

I believe we should speak up for what we believe God would have us stand for *applause for Miss California 09 Carrie Prejean* (for her answer, not for the semi-nude shots).

I am not apathetic about God's standard, but i don't believe the right battle to fight is in the realms of AGMs/ EGMs/ jihads/ riots. 

I wonder if righteousness can be further institutionalized, i wonder if the spirit behind it can be effectively legalized. I doubt, but perhaps the lawyer/governor-types think so, and hence see this as a worthwhile battlefield. 

I suppose i am the mother/educator-type who believes in nurturing and loving  (and some say brain-washing?). i believe that every soul must be invested with sincere love and prayer because of their inherent worth, that change and repentence will be brought by the spirit, and that a nation is righteous when its people are righteous, not when its laws are righteous. 

In any case, i cannot assert that i am right and they are wrong - perhaps we just have different functions in the same army.

but i think the passage above serves as a measure of our plans and strategies - are they borne of spiritual wisdom, or are they earthly, unspiritual, of the devil.

Earthly -

results in us harbouring bitter envy and selfish ambition in our hearts, 

disorder

evil practice

From Heaven - 

Demonstrated by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.

Pure; 

peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 

Upside of a meltdown

The entire family caught the flu bug last weekend.(What a waste of a long weekend!) Must've been the goat farm visit in the sweltering heat, coz Joash got it too. 

Thankfully, it wasn't a very serious bout of flu & fever, and by Wednesday, Glory had more or less recovered. 

So on Wednesday night, she decided to celebrate. 

By staying up all night. Talking, singing, pointing and clapping. 

She exclaimed at the shadows cast on the walls, and marvelled at the carvings on our bed. She waved and said hey-oh to the fan/ window/ shadows (Note: Hey-oh means hello in Glorish, coz i think she can't make the "L" sound yet). She peered into our faces and gave us silly grins, and grabbed our noses whenever we dared to look like we were sleepy.

Which is fine and fun, when you are a baby and can take naps the next day to make up for the overnight partying. 

But not when you are working mummy, who is herself recovering from flu, making another baby in her womb, dealing with back pains and a strange stitches-like pain in the side, trying to do exam revisions with classes of boys who do not seem to think much of the exams. (Or of anything, for that matter. But that's another story for another day.) And having no lunch because the only break i had coincided with the students' recess - which meant the canteen was too crowded and boisterous for a belly-toting preggy.

Anyway, by the end of Thursday, i was exhausted and miserable. 

"I'm so tired," i told munch when he got into the car.

And i started to cry.

So he drove me to the spa! =)

There's just something about being alone in a darkened room, with soft music and bubbling water. The feel of the warm water, the soothing jets. Having no other duties for the next two hours but to lie back and relax, enjoying the soothing strokes of the masseuse, basking in the dreamy zone of drifty consciousness. Aaaahhhhh.....

Was much better after that. 

"So was that my Mother's Day present from Glory?" i asked, as we made our way back.

It wasn't. 

Ha, more good things to come!

See, sometimes, a good cry has more upsides than we know.

=)