Strawberries

My Daddy made the rules very clear. 

Honesty, respect, love for family - they are non-negotiable.

We were NEVER to be rude to our elders, we were NEVER to raise our voices at them.

And if we ever lost control and weren't polite, he'd make sure we knew we were out of line.

So we learnt - to cool down before we tried to explain ourselves (sounding agitated may easily be perceived as being rude), to never speak rudely or say things we would later regret, to find acceptable ways to vent our frustrations and anger. 

I remember several times i was so fuming mad, I'd grab a pen and a piece of paper and wrote out what i was not allowed to say. i refused to even address my parents as "dad" or "mum" and even on the paper i called them " that man" or " that woman". I was furious. But i'd still be mindful that what i wrote on the paper was disrespectful and i'd make sure i got rid of them cleanly. (hehe, and i'm pleased to say i never used vulgarities either, even on paper. it's a family thing la. i know i sound very 清高 (?) but i was taught to despise it.) (SEEE it can be taught)

He never had to teach us how to vent, he just made sure we knew what was right and wrong, and we'd learn to handle ourselves appropriately.

That was how things were, eons ago, during "my time".

 

*

They are used to being entertained, and they like computers. Textbooks can't work anymore.

Fun, interesting, IT-infused lessons are necessary, or they aren't gonna learn! And please also make sure you've covered the kinesthetic, visual, auditory styles of learning!

 

They need to be understood, they need to have their voices heard. They don't like being told off, they will be put off and rebel and become worse if you don't first win their trust, friendship, respect. Speak nicely and encouragingly. You cannot afford to bruise their egos, hurt their feelings. 

 

When they are upset and explode in a tirade of vulgarities/ defiance/ violence, they expect to be understood. They expect others to bear with it and see things from their point of view. Discipline or punishment is not what they need. It’s understanding and counseling.

 

Honesty, integrity, courage, respect, loyalty, selflessness have no value anymore. All that matters is what gets you ahead. Broke rules? No matter. Just don't get caught. Wait, in the first place, don't talk about rules. It is oppressive and stifling. 

(Not that ALL youths are now like that, and not describing particular people - all similarities are coincidental. Am talking about the trend i observe.)

***

 

Have things changed so much? Are we underestimating what they are capable of? Are we robbing them of a chance to learn to be resourceful, to adapt, to be responsible?

Way back when lessons were all chalkboard and textbooks and workbooks, didn't we learn to cope anyway? Regardless of how the teacher taught the lesson, we still knew it was ultimately our duty to find a way to learn it. Why have we come to a stage where we need to dress up information and knowledge, to be entertainers, to persuade students to learn? Why are we taking the responsibility to learn away from the Learner? 

Why have we become so permissive? Why are we so afraid to expect them to manage their own emotions and behaviour? Why would a generation suddenly become incapable of dealing with their own emotions? Or is it learnt helplessness?

Should we continue with this? Are we doing this generation a disservice? What happens when they grow up and are beyond the protection of teachers and parents? Will their bosses understand and tolerate? Will they be able to deal with conflicts? If EVERYONE has the same expectations – to be understood, but no one is able to put aside their own emotions and try to understand the other party? 

Will we all lose our sense of responsibility, and blame everyone else for our failures and faults? Will we become creative and innovative, but also conniving, manipulative, and having no real values except getting ahead? Will society be every man for himself, with no concern for fairness and honesty, as long as not found out and penalised?

*

I am boiling because I see strawberries everywhere.

I am boiling because parents are happy with strawberries.

 

Then I realize I have no right to say strawberries are bad. 

I have no right to say character education is important. 

Because it is just me, silly old-fashioned lil me, who thinks character and integrity matters, who thinks that respect should be given even before it is earned. It is just me, silly old-fashioned lil me, who thinks that tantrums are for kids, and that one should take responsibility for one’s actions.

 

But I am not their mother.

And so who am I to insist. 

Yet i cannot, with a peaceful heart, give up.

But why can't i ? They aren't my kids! Even their parents don't even care!

But Precisely because their parents don't care, we need to care!

But who are we to insist?

And so it goes.

I've been boiling. Return home angry everyday, headache frequently. Feel that awful, cramp-like pain and for a moment i worry for the fetus and want to give up. 

But i think there's something in every teacher, that would fly in between students to prevent a fight, that would give up rest and sleep to counsel and correct. That would instinctively trade his own health or safety to make sure a student makes good. That wouldn't give up no matter what.

 Yet, i'm beginning to wonder what good does it do, if the end that we're striving for is something that is never wanted anyway? If it's something the stakeholders were never interested in anyway? And because it's something unwanted, it'd never come to pass whatever we do, however hard we try?

Did God say strawberries are bad?

Tell me He doesn't mind strawberries, and i'll give up the fight.