Cute Class

"Done with this slide?"

"NOOooo"

"Quickly"

"I'm quickling!"

hehe... love 'em.

=)

Brighton Sports Day!!!

Seeking Numbness

Sometimes when i feel drained physically and emotionally, i long for a numbness...

i suppose that's why many people escape into tv land.
where the make-believe lives of others work out somehow, whether you move or not.
where u can look at forever-motivated superheroes working tirelessly in hospitals, crime scenes, homes, and you can relish their successes with them. nothing depends on you, you are not responsible. u don't have to smile, nor listen, nor talk if you don't feel like it. u don't have to try to understand if u don't wanna. they won't get hurt, nor will there be any other consequences.

taken to extreme, this numbness we sometimes seek is a little like being dead isn't it?
it's like a temporary pretense that nothing in this moment matters.
Maybe that's what "relieve stress" is about to some... to escape from the reality that every moment has a consequence.

i resort to escaping sometimes.
hours parked in front of the tv, crying away with some serial.
surfing n reading about anything and anyone.
chocolates, bread, comfort food.
gyming or running the day away.
shopping, dancing, reading...

but after it's all done, as the numbness recedes, the aching tiredness returns.

usually i feel a little worse from the guilt of the time wasted or empty calories consumed. come to think of it, only gyming, running and dancing makes me feel better, coz they give the body a boost of energy and the brain some adrenaline.

Really.
there is no short cut is there.
we are meant to know, we are meant to be aware.
and i wouldn't wanna be so used to a numbed-out life that i become enslaved to the fantasy world.

just now as i walked down the stairs back to the staff room, i had that sense of tiredness again. long week behind, long weekend still ahead. fully-packed days, fully packed nights. feel like spacing out, yet i can't let my students down, can't let my kids down, and yet, don't wanna just choose an easy life out.
i felt an inner scream to escape again... chocs! movies! holidays!

then i heard God telling me to go to him.

so i came back to my desk, and read several pages from a book of Bible Promises, and... as i read, God talked to me. Through the verses i read, and also through that familiar soundless voice, that familiar sensing from deeper-than-within ... and it is only at that place that i can ever be really lifted from everything.

"When our spirits aren't all well,
we can sense it.

it's like feeling a pain when our finger touches a flame-

it's for our good that it hurts!

Escapism, Fantasy, Indulgence.
They come in and try to be pseudo-Gods,

trying to trick us into thinking they are the solutions

to the tiredness or aches or emptiness in our hearts.

But we can let those pains and aches work for our good,

if we would respond by turning to God,

in prayer, in the Word, in worship.
and the healing would be deep and real."

Strengthened for the Battles yet to Come

"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out,

how can you compete with horses?

If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?"

Jeremiah 12:5

sometimes when i prepare for morning reflection for the school, God teaches me.

recently my heart has felt more certain and stable than it has for a long time. i guess thinking and talking about the children ministry with others who share the same vision and passion has helped.

and with the beatings and batterings and bruisings we and the ministry have taken, my heart is awakened:

be it now, or in july. in the year 2000, 2002 or 2007, when i'm 48, or 88, i know what matters to God must matter to me.

i know that children need to be loved, they need to be shown attention, affection. i know that they need us to pour beautiful, pure things into their minds before the world contaminates them. i know that every thing done in love with the power of the spirit for these young ones are never in vain.

whether they take forever to grow up or not, whether they fall away and return or not, whether i see the impact or not, i am to love them, help them, teach them the Word of God, help them to know Jesus.

i know the children in broken homes need it. i know the children with poor esteem need it. i know the children with learning difficulties need it. i know the hyperactive ones need it.

You have shown me, Lord.

The passion and burden you have placed within me doesn't fade with time or turmoil,

but they grow, forcing me to grow.

God you know it sometimes looks like a hard journey.

it sometimes looks like no one else believes in it.

But give me the perseverence, the strength, the faith, the gifts, the anointing that i so much need.

Jehovah Shammah,

Let me always be mindful of your presence with me, coz with that, all things are bearable.

And if it isn't too much to ask, give me co-labourers for the journey.

Where's the line?

Where's the line between...
persevering and being stubborn?
being committed and going through the motions?
loyalty and refusal to admit a lost cause?
Rootedness and refusing to move on?
trusting and being foolish?
being practical and being faithless & soulish?
being authentic and being discouraging?
being upbeat and being a hypocrite?

surely it doesn't rest merely on which side you are judging from?

Ooooh! Another Baby on the way!

Ade and Andrew are gonna have a baby toooooooooooo!!!!

So happy for them! Especially so since Ade was one of my "Answered Prayer of 2006". Now not only is she up and well, she's also gonna be a mummy soon!

WeeeeeeeEEEeeeeEEee! What a start to 2007!

sicko

fell sick. horrible sore throat n runny nose, but that's not the worst part.
it's the medical fees that irritates me.
I PAID $67 FOR A SILLY FLU!!!!
and not like it's a specialist or wat, just a clinic in Hougang Central!
i was so aghast upon hearing the cost, i looked at the price list, and what do you know... it's true... it goes by the amount of time you spend in the consultation room, and i think i spent almost 20 min inside....
coz the doctor was telling me about the perils of air-conditioned working environment, hazards of handphone usage and why she still uses a pager, the cost of keeping a pager with page-talk service, fumes from the lorries in the car park, the wonderful ventilation of her clinic and why she doesn't aircondition her clinic, the toxic fumes of whiteboard markers and why we should only use German whiteboard markers, eating raw vegetables and 3 raw cucumbers (???) etc etc....
Gosh.
$67.
can take cab to school for a week lor! *humph*

to believe

when will it be?

when others warned me, i could still hope. i can believe it's gonna change.
when u broke my confidence, i could still hope. i still believe it's gonna change.

would each lesson make you a little stronger?
would each lesson make you a little wiser?
would the next time be one time too many?
would others give up on you before you finally learn?

Does it take a big one to get you to your senses?
Would the consequences be too great for you to bear?
Do i sit back and let Life teach you?
Or do i shelter, and pray that love and grace alone is enough?

quick. wake up.

as for me... i hold onto and rest in my Source.

"Your mercy, Your wisdom, Your grace. Sustains me in all that i face.
Your power, Your strength and Your might. Gives me courage to stand up and fight.
And proclaim You are God"

Adrian & Jasmine are having a baby! =)

i know... i can't believe it too!
my notti terror cousin... gonna be a daddy!!
lovely... happy!
they're calling him/her "Peanut" for now.
awwwwww.....

Drank enough?

Dear God,
i think the plants have had enough to drink...
can stop already please?
Luv,
me.

2nd Month!

Hey!!!!
it's been 2 months!!!
=)

B&J Magic Brownies

Ben n Jerry's Magic Brownies is Blah.

How could they.
sigh.

what is the world coming to?

=(

i wanna go home.

Salute

This year, in one of my classes, there is a student who got promoted from the NT stream, into Sec 4 NA. At first, i was a little unsure if he would be able to cope. It's one thing to change streams in Sec Three, but in Sec Four? the year of N Levels?
is he just gonna try out and see if he can cope? coz i know that a "look-see, no-committment attitude" would surely not be enough.
but he's definitely more courageous and purposeful than i could ever imagined.
Today's the 5th school day, and he's almost completely caught up with the rest.
He takes the initiative to seek me out for study sessions after school and during his free periods, borrowed a guidebook to study, and whenever he comes with questions, i'm always impressed by how much more he knows, from the last time i saw him. And his questions are not the "short-cut" kind, (like " 'cher can you explain this topic to me?" "what do you not understand?" "everything") but he actually really studies the topic, and comes for clarification.

He says he puts in 4 hours of additional study a day.
Wow.

Is he super-smart? Is he super hardworking?
Perhaps.
But what i truly admire and respect is his courage to put it all into the basket and try. No holding back.

So often we lesser mortals are so afraid of putting our 100% in, thinking that in the event we fail, it wouldn't hurt as much. ("try for what? sure cannot wan!") But this guy is in a class of his own.

I wish you all the best. May you reap the harvest of your efforts.
I want to see you excel this year, and return for sec 5 next year, and top the world for O Levels!
Do it not just for yourself, but also for all the others in years to come who will need an inspirational hero like you to find their courage to try.

saw

last night over dinner, i ranted and shared with munch my issues with promises yet to be fulfilled, and some other issues. then we went home, and during our individual QT, we both saw the church bulletin - ABRAHAM WAITED 25 YEARS FROM THE TIME OF THE INITIAL PROMISE FOR ISAAC TO BE BORN.

oki God i got it =)

and

saw ky on tv mobile this morning on the way to work!!!

and

does an average household need a saw at home?
what about a see-saw?
or a hee-haw?
there was a snack called haw slices. do children now still eat it?
i think we need a ladder in the house.

abraham the promise man

yesterday we taught the kids about abraham the promise man.
he and his wife were old, and were childless. God promised him descendents as many as the stars. Seems impossible, yet God delivered.

"Teacher Shuyan, what if God promised, but it never happens?"

"It will. Coz he's God."

Today during worship, i felt God reminding me of that. that the lesson i taught the kids. i too had to re- learn.

So many words released that i am still waiting for them to come to pass.
my parents' salvation - 2 years ago, words were released that it would be soon. when?
three years of hard work for the church - this year should be a break through year!
the kids ministry - the satelite clubs? the generation of kids? the hundreds of kids worshipping?
when? i believe. help my disbelief.

At the bottom of my beliefs and heart and mind, i know that God is definitely trustworthy. I know that from my limited and human perspective there are many things that i may not yet understand, but without understanding completely, i know i can still trust him.

Yet i suppose in the flurry of activities and changes and emotions recently, i haven't been sitting and chatting with him enough.

as we sang "restoring what was broken, so it may fly again..."
and "things in the past, things yet unseen, wishes and dreams that are yet to come true"
it seems as if there are things he wants to lift off me...

have i been too proud to admit i was/am discouraged? am i too proud to admit i am still tired? the logical conclusion is that i have served in my own strength, with fleshly strength. but haven't i been careful to search and check that?

ha. uncle, mabbe i was secretly not kidding when i said i need ihad. but dun worry, i'll meet God n get it sorted out this week.

i have mused, occasionally... if there is another church that is passionate, mission-sending, biblical, disciple-making, does it make a difference if we join them or stick it out on our own? then we can do kids outreach without being limited by building and space. then we can do CP without limitation of funds or manpower. then we can send out hundreds and thousands of missionaries. why not?

today, as i sat listening to the sermon, once again God reaffirmed me of my place as a part of this church. this small, funny, one-of-a -kind church that consumes me, pains me, lifts me, feeds me like no other. a pastor who shares so personally and humbly and frankly. funny projects like lunch-money and baking ministry. people who see God's kingdom as the purpose for living and really put their money and hands and lives into it. and no matter how much i think i have served there are always heroes of the faith around to inspire me to grow. where people seek to honour God by trying to deal with painful relationship issues in biblical ways. sold out, growing, willing fellow church mates.

i can listen to the best sermons online, or watch them on US TV. yet there is this one church that is really home.

it's like how all the rivers may flow into the sea, why not just be a drop of water in ANY river. why not choose the largest river where flowing is the easiest? but somehow, there is a particular river that God put me in. And the journey may not be the easiest, yet if God has put me here, then this is the adventure he has chosen for me. then it must be his wisdom. and we'll rush and gush together, and we'll grow from a stream into a rushing river, and we'll reach the sea one day.

and as for me? better is one day in his house than a thousand elsewhere. a moment with God makes all the difference.

i like sundays. it makes sense.

Bed

school's started. weekend means i get to sleep a little more.
i like our bed. =)
it's fluffy yet firm, cool yet snuggly.

and it's pretty, no?

the pic u see at the bedside is from some of my ex-students.

and yes mk, i do miss u guys. =) live well and live wisely always, k?

just another year

when i want, but don't pray hard for it, it becomes just another want.
when i dream, but don't work at it, it becomes just another dream.
when i live, but don't ask God each day what he wants, i become just another life.
when God gives, and i don't use the gifts to bless and serve, i become just another fruitless servant thrown outside.

be alert, girl.
another year has gone by.
and when i look at the things i said i wanted to pray-until-something-happens for, i know i haven't been faithful.

don't let 2007 become just another year.