maybe i over-reacted...

I'm halfway through the BOOKS and i've learnt quite a few things, the most important lesson so far being that i've over-reacted.

I better set the record straight before i sabotage my daughter's chances of getting hitched. Yes i can just see it . Mothers warning their sons, "No, Ah Boy, you can't marry her. Haven't you heard? She's incredibly violent... Her own mother said it, so it must be true! What if you get into an argument with her and she TaBAH you?"

But seriously, i HAVE misrepresented Glory, and i'm not saying this just to up my chances of one day being a grandmother.

See, when i read the books, there were so many examples of difficult toddlers, and Glory's nowhere near that league. Put in perspective, she's an ANGEL. Even at her worst, she's just a very normal toddler.

And, as it turns out, although the word TaBAH has now become so commonly used it's in the running to become The Toddler's Lexicon New Word of the Year, it is actually not as violent as we first thought - it is sometimes used as a funny word, a sound word. It's meaning is more like "Watch out!", or "Look at me, Listen to me, Pay Attention to me" so she uses it not just when she's frustrated, but also when she wants to play.

Anyway, she hasn't been hitting in a while. I think this girl actually gets it when adults tell her not to, she doesn't even need further punishment. Like a couple of months back, she decided that pulling Mama's hair was fun. I put on a serious, displeased face, gravely told her not to, and she cried! And since then, she hasn't pulled my hair. In the same way, she now seems to be much better at expressing her frustrations without hitting.

She's also a lot less territorial. When we first put her in school, she wouldn't let anyone come near us. She guarded us like a watchdog, and when she saw another toddler heading our way, she'd get up, hold her hands up and gave a warning bark. ("DUFF!" she blasted) If the intruder didn't get it, she'd push them off by the forehead. After the first victim, the other kids got it and never dared venture near us again. Even when they wanted to, they'd back off at her DUFF.

Today, i peeked at her when she was in class. She was sitting among a group of children, drinking from her bottle. A classmate was fiddling with her bottle, but Glory seemed quite ok with it. Ha, i really got a kick out of seeing that scene, coz
1. Glory wasn't pushing her away or hitting her for touching her bottle.
2. Glory wasn't clinging on to an adult . Hooray for independence!
3. Glory was hanging out with kids!! She has friends! (i was a little worried she would be antisocial)
4. Glory has a female friend! =) (i was a little worried she would only hang out with boys)

Seriously, it's been fun seeing her grow as she gets used to school. Sure, the perpetually snotty nose is a bit of problem (and an eyesore) , but she's a lot less shy and clingy now. We went for a Christmas party last night and she actually sat around and smiled and made "small talks" with unfamiliar uncles and aunties. She understands when i tell her to wait, she even sits down, cross her legs, and repeats "Wait (for) Mama here."

Haha... i love her to bits, that cute little spark.
=)
Get in line, boys. And prospective mothers-in-laws.

Tough Love

That girl.
She really knows how to get herself out of trouble.
When adults are trying to correct her, she knows exactly the right answer.

Adult: Glory, can you hit?
Glory: Noooo. (shakes her head and wags a finger emphatically)
Adult: What happens when you hit?
Glory: Friend pain pain. Cannot hit.
Adult: Say sorry to XX.
Glory: Sorry XX. Sayang.

Then what else is there to say right??

Or check out this other tactic:
Munch: Glory, DO NOT pull papa's spectacles!
Glory:  M-u-a-a-k!(Cups papa's face in her hands and kisses papa on the lips)

Win already lor!

But as much as Munch and I secretly laugh over Glory's funny  naughty antics, we are determined to raise well-behaved, sociable, polite, discerning, upright, compassionate, respectful children.

So we went to the library to do some research on how best to outsmart this baby.

Raising your spirited child -

a guide for parents whose child is more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, energetic.

Parenting with reason -

 evidence-based approaches to parenting dilemmas.

Parking lot rules and 75 other ideas for raising amazing children.

The Happiest Toddler on the block -

 The new way to stop the daily battle of wills and raise a secure and well-behaved one - to four-year-old

The no-cry discipline solution-

gentle ways to encourage good behaviour without whining, tantrums and tears.

Positive Discipline for preschoolers-

 raising children who are responsible, respectful and resourceful

I refuse to raise a brat -

 straightforward advice on parenting in an age of overindulgence.

The titles and tag-lines all sound so promising right! Well, hopefully we'll pick up some good strategies and ideas that'd work!

We got to work immediately, and here's what we've learnt today:

1. When she's angry, help her to find an acceptable way to express her anger. Glory's way is her infamous "TaBAH!". We told her that when she says TaBAH, she should put her hands on her hips instead of other children.

2. Give positive labels. This is similar to what we do in school when writing comments in report books ;)

Look at every trait positively. For example, i have an assertive and charismatic child. 

Gotta go read some more now! 

人之初， 性本善？

Glory was such an easy, angelic baby.

She was reasonable, patient, easy-going and low maintenance... Everyone agreed i got it easy.

She started sleeping through the night before she was three months old. She hardly cried. She was always cheery and smiling. Even when she was hungry, all she did was thump her legs and arms, and waited for me to attend to her. Uh-huh. She waited.

She was so meek and gentle too! When her cousin kicked her, she didn't retaliate. When the cousin hit her on her head, she merely looked at us adults with teary, beseeching eyes.

Needless to say, when i was planning to put her in childcare, one of the most important criteria was that the teachers were able to handle naughty, boisterous boys (oh yes, i'm sexist) so that my darling angel would be safe.

Little did i know...

***

Soon after Glory started school, we noticed that she started hitting when she was frustrated. It wasn't a hard hit, and she didn't look like she meant it to inflict pain. It just looked like an expression of frustration.

But it worried us...

we're very careful with her sources of influence, and as much as possible, we keep her world very sanitised. No one in the family swears. No one shouts or speaks rudely. No one hits. We screen every book she reads. She only watches Barney, Nursery Rhymes, Your Baby Can Read and Wink To Learn Chinese. And they do not hit. They read words, they sing, they dance, they hold hands and run in circles, they speak to one another with exaggerated animation and enthusiasm.

But they do not hit.

So how on earth did she learn to hit??

Not only that, her hits even came with a sound effect.

"Ta BAH!"

Now i was sure she didn't learn this from home. Naturally, i concluded she picked this up from someone in school.  "Must be one of the boys," i thought. Glory seemed to be more inclined to befriend boys than girls. And boys, i believed, are generally more likely to hit and say strange things like TaBAH!

I wrote a note to her teachers. Perhaps they could do something before my angel learns more bad stuff from the boys...

***

Today i was thrown off my high horse.

Apparently, Glory didn't learn "Ta BAH!" from any of the boys. Apparently, the kids in her class have never heard of the term "Ta BAH" until Glory came along.

Today, i received a note from the teacher, informing me that Glory has started a new "trend".

"Some of the kids in class has started to mimic Glory's word "tapaw!" whenever she gets upset. Subsequently she'll also hit the person who upsets her.  I guess she's marking her territory!"

omg

***

From today on, Glory Faith Wong Si Syun is gonna attend Moral Education classes every night.

Pepper throws a tantrum. Pepper learns to take turns. Let's be Polite. Let's be Kind...

These books were screaming "BUY ME, I AM GLORY'S CHRISTMAS PRESENT!"