So, are you coming back?

Can't sleep... perhaps it's the BaBaoCha at Sichuan DouHua.

i tried very hard to wake munch up to keep me company.

i nudged, prodded, poked, tapped, and even made strange noises (car horn, cat, trrrrrrr, brrrrrrrrr, cow, dog, lizard, burp) to no avail.

Yes, i am THAT irritating. =)

But apparently munch's immune.

So here i am, blogging.

**********************

LY asked me just now if i'd be returning to Kidz. And she asked me how i felt about it.....

Aghhhhhhh

How do i feel about it???

Very very mixed...

==========================

First, I'm appalled by how "easily" i can let it slip outta my life. Hey this is/was something i sooooo believe in. I'd give up a job that gets in the way of "raising a generation of God-loving children who would be a blessing to all". I'd give up clubbing and bumming. I'd give up holidays and money and whatever else for it. I could be ill and voiceless but i'd still go and run a party.

And then Morning Sickness comes along and i am soundly defeated??

Sheez.... Is that all my passion/goal/life/calling/dream was worth???

And then.... i have to admit i'm kinda glad to have Saturdays free. I'm secretly (ok, now, openly) glad i don't have to rush to prepare the program/ teaching materials/ worship. I'm kinda glad i have a schedule-free day in the week, where i don't have to battle the puking and attend to things.

Which at the same time makes me feel very guilty. I honestly cannot cope with it physically - as it is, conversations with adults are already such huge exertions, one praise song is more than i can heartily sing, and walking to the bus stop already zaps half my life.HOW am i ever gonna animatedly tell a story to a bunch of primary school kids, lead them in jumpy-dancy worship, teach the Word with impact AND take them out for games and break up any fights that come along with it?

Yet i feel like i'm skiving. Everyone else is pouring in everything to build the church, to serve others, stepping out of their comfort zone, going the extra mile, serving in many ministries. And then here i am, ministry-less. And i feel bad that the team has to cope with one less person. That they don't get a rest day like i do. That i am one of those who promised to be here for good, but left them high and dry.

*******

So yeah, that's how i feel about my situation regarding Kidz.

Mixed.

Appalled and disgusted by myself, yet helpless to do anything.

Secretly enjoying the free day, and guilty that i am secretly enjoying it.

Mixed.

++++++++

And this whole pregnancy thing... it's such a mixed thing too. Really, the world's been overstating the good parts and hiding the bad.

So i tried being a renegade and warn others against getting preggy, and earned myself many dirty looks from parents (whom i believe are deluded/forgetful/untruthful/ trying to convince themselves that it's worth it).Even non-parents have bought into the "it's worth it" talk, and they laugh at my hypothesis like i'm kidding.

=< =< =<

Actually i don't really know if i'm kidding. And i don't know if it's evil of me to convince others not to give birth.

So i suppose it's safest to give the politically correct answer and say

"it's hard work, but it's a blessing, and is worth it i'm sure".

haiz... okae, perhaps i shall conform.

Next time anybody asks, i shall just give the pat answer.

Eee... i am a chao conformist.

A Careless Lover

The morning meal is set on the table.
Easily.
I've done this before.

Sit with You while eat. This is supposed to be my offering.
Easily.
It's worked before.

See You to the door, cursory peck on the cheek.
Easily.
That's what lovers do.

So i've done the rites.
The rest of the day is mine, then?

I paint my nails, i eat my fill.
I read the mags You've never fancied.

I let no other men into the house.
I've been faithful, then?

----------
Please don't become just a way of life.
Please don't become just a set of rules.
Please don't become a system of thinking.
Please don't become a just legend, a storybook hero.
You are my Lover, my Master, my Best Friend.
Please help me remember when i forget.

Mes Amis =)

Meet me friends.
They aren't from around here.

A Year On... 11.11.2007

Thanks...

• I enjoyed our breakfasts, and i am thankful for the way you are always appreciative.
• for taking out the trash for an entire year.
• for coming to my rescue and killing cockroaches and lizards.
• When i was homesick, you listened, emphatised and took me back to Seletar for stay-overs.
• for tolerating my weird half-the-bed rule, yet never protesting when i break it =)
• when i ask for strange food, you choose to see it as fun and cute, instead of just plain troublesome and irritating.
• for getting up to shut the windows when it rains at night.
• for going to the gynae with me EVERY time.
• for allowing me to skip some wedding banquets.
• for buying dinner/breakfast for me when i am too lazy to leave the house.
• for never getting mad at me when i am late.
• for telling me i'm beautiful ever so often (even on fat n frumpy days)
• for chatting with me in the middle of the night when i couldn't fall asleep.
• for the weird, ridiculous, nonsensical SMSs. And for understanding my weird, ridiculous,nonsensical SMSs.
• for the walks.
• for hunting down Fruit Tips Fruit Gums.
• for the baby lappy, and the suzuki swift.
• for helping me with SchoolCockpit!!!
• for saying you don't mind my boring pregnant routine.
• for listening to and comforting and encouraging me when i'm frustrated with being preggy.
• for letting me have the nicer bathroom. And almost the entire wardrobe. And shoe space.
• For bringing me dinner/ fruit juice when i had to stay late in school.
• for picking me up from the bus stop/ MRT station.
• for your faithfulness, for being a friend, for being my husband.

And you still think you've not given me anything????

=)

You're the BEST!

It's my Bloggie and i'll Cry if i Want to!

An hour out of the house drains my energy.




Like a mobile phone with a faulty battery.




Which limits me to just school and home.




I'm sick n tired of this boring lifestyle.




Can't go anywhere, can't do anything.




Day in day out, everything's the same.




Puke here.




Sit here.




Drink this.

(raspberry vodka? i wish. It's just ribena.)


Eat this.




Rest here.




Lie here, and try to sleep.




That's been my life since ... the last century.
Everyday's just EXACTLY the same.




AAAAAAgGgGHHhhHHh.



So dreary. i soo long to be out of this misery. have a lil bit of whiskey n drift into slumber. Fall asleep for the next 6 months so i won't be conscious of it all.



=( But Babies dun take well to alcohol. =(



Meanwhile, poor Munch has the most boring wife in the world.


I refuse to go out (other than our neighbourhood kopitiams), i refuse to catch a movie, i get tired walking from the bus stop, and i make irritated/irritating grunts through the night.


See la! Want to have baby la...

Aren't YOU glad you don't have to live with me?? So the next time you see munchy, give him a pat on the back.

-+-+-+-+

Yeah i know, people always say "when you see the baby, you'll find all these worth it." yes... which is why i really wanna plant a CCTV in my womb so i can keep looking...



Ah well... who knows, one day i may look back and think this is funny.









Lord, if You are willing, You can make me well!!!!!
Please lae...

A Serious Discourse on Korean Drama

Recently watched 2 Korean Serials.

"Gung" (Princess Hours)
was a story of a girl who married into the Korean royal family. She had to endure a lack of freedom, strict rules and protocols, being apart from her family and friends, learning to love a Prince who was distant and cold, being maligned and sent away for the sake of the monarchy. Yet mainly because of a sense of responsibility to her country/family, she stuck with it.

"The Witch Yu Hee"
was about this SuperB* Yu Hee who bullied a guy (Chae Moo-ryung) into being her love-coach and maid. Moo-ryung neglected his girlfriend, had to give up his overseas studies and several rare opportunities to pursue his dreams of being a top chef - just to be her love-coach and maid.
Along the way, he fell in love with Yu Hee and broke up with his long-suffering girlfriend. There were many obstacles too, mainly masterminded by Yu Hee's father, who disapproved of their relationship. Finally, they overcame the problems, and the last scene was those oft-used airport scene. ( Heartbroken Boy leaving for US to pursue his dreams. Looks around airport hoping to see Girl. Girl, finally changes her mind and has to rush to the airport within impossibly short time. By the time she gets there, Boy not found. Sad. Suddenly Boy reappears. They hug and kiss.)

Throughout the show, i kept opposing the two getting together.
Somehow it just doesn't feel right to me.
Wei...Chae Moo-ryung was so irresponsible can!!! He had a girlfriend, and his girlfriend was so understanding. How could he take her for granted? Why didn't he guard his heart?
Plus, Yu Hee hasn't really changed much where it really matters! She only managed to dress better and behave better, but she was the same self-centered person inside!!! Did she care that Moo-ryung had to give up his opportunities? Did she care that his girlfriend was hurt, and their relationship was suffering? Na-ah! She only cared that she had help when she needed, company when she needed, fake-boyfriend when she needed! And when her dad got her company bankrupt and her personal belongings were in danger of being repossessed? She told Moo-ryung it's all because of him and told him to leave her house. And to irk me further, because she turned up at the airport for the closing scene, Moo-ryung once again missed the chance to go to US and pursue his dreams of being a top chef. *fumes* I think i care more about Moo-ryung's future than she does ok! That supercilious self-centred girl. Grrrr...

So, because i don't agree with the values of this show, i hereby declare that The Witch Yu Hee is LOUSY!!!!!!

what's with this "Do what i want, love who i want" culture anyway.

I won't let my kid(s) watch this show.

I'll let them watch Gung, coz the values are right. Plus, Cai-Jin and Shin are so cutely prudish. Good for kids to grow up with shows like this rather than the usual Hollywood jump-into-bed-with-anyone shows.

Yah. I want my kids to be prudish too. =P

[By the way, during CG last night, we concluded that i've got a future prof/PM/nerd in my womb, coz suddenly i enjoy listening to BBC and 92.4]

[By the way, i find that Moo-ryung kinda looks like WJJ. hehe.]

[By the way, staring at the computer screen has made me pukey again.]

[By the way, i'm becoming very good at puking. I can sense when it's coming, i can do it without my hair getting in the way, I can plan my Folic Acid pill around my puking schedule. Clever anot?]

On Alfian Sa'at, Thio Li Ann and Gay Lib

This Alfian Sa'at v Thio Li Ann thing is so beside the point.
Does the rudeness of one man discredit his camp's campaign? No. So leave it already.

And then the Pro-Repeal Camp jumps in on this and some try to find means to discredit Thio Li Ann. The number of sites ridiculing her is astounding. Some of them are quite funny to read, if you are on the pro-repeal side. Many of them having no real persuasive value nor logical value. Saw some calls to "expose her", asking people to dig up dirt on her....

Like... errr....and how would that help their cause?

Scare her silly and get her out of parliament so that no one else dares to voice up against the pro-repeal camp again?

Isn't this Alfian Sa'at v Thio Li Ann thing completely beside the point?

****
Personally, I've been on both sides of the fence.
In my secondary school days, I've written pro-gay-lib letters and supported their cause. My logic was, just as we do not prescribe that a Chinese must love and marry a Chinese, we should not prescribe that a man must love and marry a woman. It's a matter of personal choice.
"Plus," I told my mother, "We won't have to worry about teenaged pregnancy."
My mother could understand my reasoning. Yet i never managed to get her to agree with me.
"But it's against nature," was my mother's only rebuttal.
I thought that was lame.
Why should we abide by "Nature"? Anti-aging cream was against nature too.
*****
When i became a Christian, i found that homosexuality was not right according to the bible.
So while i was mindful of how logical my own beliefs seemed to me, i opened my mind to the idea that God, being the creator, would have the final say on what's right and what's not.

"Illumination!" Christians would say.
"Regression!" Pro-Repeal folks would say.
*****

So I think the twain shall never meet. Some may switch sides along the way, but if the issue is on "Morality-as-God-Intended" vs "Equality/Freedom of choice", there's no sitting on the fence.

So I suppose that is why the "middlemen" would have to take the stance of "Is the public ready/ what is good for society for now".

Which can never truly satisfy either camps.
But which'll have to do, i guess.
******

Has the recent debate done any good?
I think it benefitted the Pro-repeal Camp.
They got to voice their views, they manged to stir up quite a lot of publicity, which is important for people fighting for the ideology of "Equality". They've now established a good platform to further propogate their cause by reaching out to the community to raise awareness and understanding.

For the "Morality-as-God-intended" folks, I think it didn't do much good at all, simply because i think that we can't win hearts through arguments. It's human nature to prefer removing boundaries to establishing boundaries. It takes illumination, revelation, a personal conviction, to cause someone to want to give up his own preferences/choice/desires.

So while this was a fort we had to stand strong to defend, it was merely defense. To move forward, i believe we need to love more, pray more, care more. Listen more, understand more, yet be rooted in the Word. Build up the family unit. Help others build up their family unit.Speak with gentleness and love (Not picket at people's funeral). They are NOT our enemies, they are the people we are called to love.


"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."