My head and my hips are ... like... BOOMZ SHINGZ!

My hips grew bigger and it doesn't look like it's gonna shrink.

Yes, motherhood does that to you.

And it does something to the head too.

***

I was at the gynae's for a postnatal check, and all around me were pregnant ladies. There was a couple who were there for their final prenatal visit - they were asking about what to bring to the hospital, and were reminded to return for their postnatal check after being discharged.

There's just something so sweetly nostalgic in that scene...

The sense of anticipation, knowing someone beautiful is coming. Your child, your very own baby.

A sense of not knowing what to expect - perhaps a little apprehension and fear, mixed with excitement...

the unsaid-but-strong feeling of mutual love and dependence between husband and wife, the security and comfort of knowing that we're in it together...

Followed by the adventure of childbirth, where you can never fully know what is going to happen, where the painful travailing is strangely sweet and satisfying...

Then THE MOMENT when you first lay eyes on her, when you first hold her.

Then the euphoria after (partly drug-induced, i suspect) , which somehow gives you energy to SMS the news of the decade to the entire world, no matter how much your body has been through just moments before...

Yups... all those thoughts came flashing by as i watched the couple at the counter.

And i felt my eyes misting up.

I felt a little wistful.. and envious, strangely, that i would not be experiencing that again.

See, something HAS happened to my head hasn't it? Didn't i used to rage against pregnancy and childbirth? Didn't i accuse mothers of saying motherhood's worthwhile only as a pathetic attempt to console themselves? What HAS happened to me?

I really don't know. But i think i have succumbed. I..i...i... i'm gonna say it.

i enjoy being a mother.

i think i even enjoy pregnancy (at least the non-nausea portions).

And i think... motherhood's worthwhile.

_ _ _

But we are stopping at two - at least that's our current plan.

For very practical reasons.

And i suspect this is why our national birth rate is so low.

$$$$$$$$$$

1. Prenatal gynae visits + delivery  (wipes out the cash component of baby bonus)

2. Healthcare costs in Singapore. I never gave healthcare costs much thought until this year, when celeste was in and out of hospital for a month. It really pinches. As it is, munch and i are both tertiary educated, both working, and we have no other financial obligations. I can only imagine how hard it must be for people who are living on a single income/ have aged and sick parents/ faced with chronic illnesses. Paediatricians charge A LOT. And don't even suggest polyclinics and govt hospitals. Recent experiences have convinced me that in Singapore, good health care doesn't come cheap, and it doesn't come at govt polyclinics/hospitals.

3. Cost of living. With 2 kids, and with grandparents unavailable to care for them, we'll need to send Glory to childcare, in addition to having a maid to care for Celeste. And if i have three kids? Get another maid? Send Celeste to childcare as well? Stop working and be a SAHM? But then, with three kids, we do need the dual income. Yet it is too ridiculous to work the whole day only to spend all your money paying for others to take care of your kids.

We need a car - yes it's a need. For safety, the kids have to be in car seats, and cabs don't have them. And for 3 kids, our little Swift is definitely not enough. Which means we'd need to get a bigger car. Which is expensive in Singapore.

So you see, the spirit is willing but the pocket is weak.

Therefore, my suggestions to improve the Baby Bonus Scheme:

1. Govt to pay for delivery of babies, private healthcare, childcare.

2. Paid maternity leave of 4 years, instead of 4 months. Fathers can share in it too.

3. Car give-away. You receive a small car for your first child. With subsequent children, you get a free upgrade to a bigger car.

Sure work de.

Everybody would be making babies day and night if my suggestions are implemented.

Then our birth rate would DEFINITELY go up.

What about the economy/ workplace productivity? Dun worry, i've already thought about that!

We have a lot of foreign talents mah!

They can do the work at a lower cost, thus sustaining the economy. They'll work, we'll make babies, and together we grow =)

Not only that, when the foreign talents see that Singaporeans are getting the better deal, they'd then apply to be citizens!

SEE!!! Kill so many birds with one stone!

***

Told you motherhood's done something to my head ;)

Aren't you glad i'm currently a housewife and not, like, the president or something?

backdated...

finally transferred pics from phone...

backdated 2 entries so it made better sense...

Almost a Jie Jie

and

And Then There Were Four

Oh Oh Oh (or, The Big Three Os)

The day passed by in a truly unbirthday-like flurry of visits, doctor visit, blood tests and bad news. Suddenly i'm no longer in my 20s. I don't even qualify for LATE 20s. I've hit the big three-O.

"Some things haven't changed," I thought to myself one sleepless night. It was a sleepless night not so much because of Celeste, but because i was doing a marathon. A Gossip Girl marathon. 

Yes, at the ripe old age of 30, I'm still watching crappy teeny shows. And i'm still staying up all night to watch them, like some ill-disciplined youth. And yes, when there's a super cute actor in the show, i still do notice.  (and google him to find out a lil bit more, if he's cute enough and i'm free enough)

But some things HAVE changed. Just take the recent GG marathon. 

I know i'm old when i actually am interested in the sub-plots of the show - the lives of the main characters' parents. 

I know i'm old when i actually find Rufus more charming than Nat. 

When i find myself looking at Lily and admiring her clothes and the way she carries herself, but wondering what Blair was thinking decorating herself with Minnie Mouse's bows.

Oh, and, instead of feasting on chips, popcorn and coolers while i watched, i had muesli bars and Similac Milk for lactating mothers. 

Instead of periodically pausing to gush with a friend over the show, i paused to nurse a baby instead.

Ha, and i actually could sing along to that Lisa Loeb song (Stay) at Rufus' concert. What, THAT is considered an oldie already??

Sigh.

I HAVE moved on to the next phase, haven't i.

Was looking at a friend's travel pics on facebook - not just looking, but looking longingly. 

Hers was no diaper-milk-puree-baby-in-tow holiday. She went on a series of Contiki tours, complete with pub crawls, crazy parties and a fake wedding. And i realized that HORRORS! in 5 years time i wouldn't even qualify for a Contiki tour!!! I could throw money at them and they'd say, "Sorry Aunty, this tour has an age limit, you're too old."

"No no no! I promise to be good! I won't nag at the young ones to put on (warm) clothes!"

"Na-ah, having old people around would just spoil the fun. "

So appalled i was by the idea of never going on another irresponsibly fun holiday again that i mulled over the possibility of leaving our two babies with my mummy while munch and i go for one last bash before we turn 35. I eagerly ran that idea past munch, and he staidly replied, "You know i won't go drinking and partying."

Looks like i'll have to leave him with my mummy too then.