11.11.2010

Another year passed... we're a four-year-old family!
People say time passes fast when you're having fun.
It has been 4 years, and to be very frank, it feels like we've been married longer than that.
So according to that theory, if i feel like we've been married longer than we actually have, it's supposed to mean we're not having fun?
:O
uh-ooooohhhh.....

To set things straight, i definitely enjoy being married to Munch.
I enjoy the companionship, i enjoy the understanding and trust and stability.
I appreciate that however awful and ugly and jaded i feel, he still believes in me and trusts and encourages me.
I love that he knows me so well, he can anticipate how i'd react, what i'd feel, what i'd need.
I love that he spends time with the girls, that he enjoys them and loves them, and is a real father.
Between being married and not, i'd definitely choose being married.

When i was a teenager, i devised a (what i thot was) brilliant True Love test: If you could have ANYBODY in the world - dead, alive, fantasy, pop star who doesn't know you, any of your ex-es... - would you still be with the person you are with? My logic was that if you'd rather have someone else, you're only "making do" with whoever you have.
DUH. 
but i thought it was a brilliant test, (and heck, i still think it's brilliant now)
And yes, Munch passes my True Love test.
He beats Aladdin with the flying carpet, and all the promises of adventure and those sparkly cheeky eyes.
He beats Aaron Kwok. (Oh yes, you lost, Aaron, the moment you donned those red fireman costume and danced like a gigolo.)
He beats Beckham. (ok, now thinking back, i have no idea why i had a wedding ceremony with his poster in VJ canteen. must be the poor company i kept. hp married giggs. oh wait don't tell danny.)
He beats Dao Ming Si - (helped partially by Season Two's development).
He beats the Ex-es (cannot elaborate)
He beats even the epitome of the Strong Silent Man... Captain Von Trapp.

omg check out those piercing deep-set eyes... the thin sexy lips... the too-tough, edgy, stern demeanor... ok stop stop STOP!

Point is, if all the aforementioned characters were available and pursuing me (muahahah, i said "if" already la!) i would still choose to marry munch... Which is a big deal ok. If you still don't think it's a big deal, go and watch Aladdin again and then stare into Captain Von Trapp's eyes for 20 minutes, then come back and continue reading.
Still don't think it's a big deal? Ok imagine you are, say, the lead female character in Meteor Garden. So after all the macho things that DMS did for you like allowing gangsters to beat him to a pulp so that they wouldn't hurt you, like ordering the entire school population to treat you like a goddess, like buying an apartment in ulu-district just to be close to you, run after your bus until he collapses on the ground (Taiwanese men dun have ippt?) ... after ALL that, Munch walks up to you and suggest you marry him instead. I'm saying that i would marry munch instead of DMS. So is that big deal or what?

Anyway, in other words, Munch ACES the True Love Test, Yay!!!!!
:) :) :)

You know why? Because his brow-bones are sexier than Captain Von Trapp's, and he's more emotionally mature than Dao Ming Si.
Exploring Punggol End in our Red Swift is way cooler than exploring endless diamond skies on magic carpet rides.
And he looks like Ip Man.

Anyway, last night, we were trying to recall how we celebrated our anniversaries, and we spotted a rather unhealthy trend.
2006: Just married. Went on a month-long self-drive, no itinerary, wander-where-we-please trip to USA.
2007: Preggy and Pukey. Hotel-staycation at the hotel where we got married.
2008: Left Glory with Mummy for an evening, scooted off to Barnacles for a lovely sea-front seafood meal.
2009: Left Glory and Celeste with Flor at home, while we had a meaningful "marriage evaluation dinner" at Buono's at Serangoon Gardens. (btw i later found out that my school was moving right next to buono's and that took the romance outta that place forever)
2010: Left Glory and Celeste with Charisma at home. Walked to Serangoon Central for Crab Bee Hoon.

Truth is, it really was my choice. I gave clear instructions about not buying flowers. I didn't want any hotel stays or fancy restaurants. I wanted to go back early after dinner so we could spend some time with the girls before they popped off to bed.

And yeah, so there we were... Serangoon Central Crab BeeHoon.
He's very sweet la, didn't complain and still played along with me, discussing the merits of eating crab bee hoon on our own (dun need to feel paiseh to take the pincer, got nice view (?), can take a walk back after dinner to aid digestion....)

Haha... sorry munch.
we'll do better next year.
:)

Next Chapter

It's confirmed. The page was turned, as pages often are. Only this time, instead of more of the same, i find a new chapter staring at me.
My little goldfish bowl for the past seven years is no longer home. I bought the boat, and the oars, and i'm headed for sea. No one's gonna sprinkle little specks of freeze-dried nutrients at regular intervals anymore. But on the other hand, i get to see something other than the same bowl, the same fish, the same seaweed and plastic seahorses. The water was getting murky anyway... i couldn't stay on and stay alive. Am excited about what's ahead... Is it faith? Is it optimism? Or is it just the novelty? Thinking of glitzing it up too, with some Interior Design course... but let me get used to the basics first.

The 2.5 ounces i was talking about? It's now something like 1.5 oz, and that's after a 12-hours intermission. Guess it's time for me to face the fact and move on.

In other news, i've kinda gotten used to wobbling. And because he who matters doesn't mind, i actually take perverse pleasure in it. It's quite funny... to feel it, and yet not fret. Empowering, i guess, in a way... like i've seen through it all... and i'm assured enough to live with it.
But it's not healthy of coz, so i gotta snap out of it. Blame it on the elapsed membership. When i move to a condo, it'll be on track, i reasoned. Or next week, when i'm more free. Or, hey, even tomorrow.... but tomorrow never comes, does it?

And then there's THAT painful chapter. The tomorrow that you wish would never come, but it always does. The chapter that i HATE. The good thing is, death is not the end. In this case, it's even the beginning of something glorious. She had lovely children and grandkids. She had a family trip just before she left. The final days must have been painful... but at least she's relieved of it now.
But my heart aches for my friend.
And i am afraid about tomorrow.
But what to do? The page has turned and that chapter is here.
In the end the only solace is that God is love. And that here with you, for now, are still many whom you love and who love you back.

The Moo's Retirement

I'm in a real dilemma.
The supply has dropped considerably. I'm doing 2.5 ounces at the lunch-time session. If i miss the lunch-time session, it's a mere 4 oz at dinner time. Hardly worth the effort and time spent, it's like trying to squeeze water out of stone. Except it's not water, and it's definitely not a stone. Nevermind.

I've heard from my uncle's domestic helper that back home, her mother nursed her till she was ten. She could be playing catching with her friends one moment, and lifting up her mother's blouse to quench her thirst the next. That's just the way things were in their hometown. No one batted an eyelid.
I suppose it's something between a mother and child.  Personally, i would draw the line at puberty. Imagine a pimply faced teenager... ewww, better not imagine.

Thing is, here, most people stop before their babies turn one, and i am starting to feel like i need to justify breastfeeding my 14 month old. When i asked for breastfeeding-safe drugs from my GP recently, he took a double take and asked "You are STILL breastfeeding? WHY?" giving me the same perplexed look he did when i kept turning up at his clinic with Glory for the nth HFMD screening in a month. You know, the look which is really just a more polite version of an exasperated roll-eye.

Now, i hadn't really thought about WHY i was continuing with the breastfeeding. We were told breast is best, so i just continued on and on simply because there was no pressing need to stop.
Sure, there was a period when Celeste thought it a great game to, well, nip me in the bud, and hearing me squeak in pain. But i employed some dog-training techniques -instead of squealing in pain, i tried growling - and it worked wonders. She's off biting now. So why would i want to stop? It's free milk, it's supposed to help me burn some calories, plus, nursing is such a great bonding activity.
 I don't want to give up forever the wonderful, cuddly, warm moments, with my baby curled up close to me, where she would stay for a couple of minutes at least, giving me time to hug and caress her.
And i am unwilling to give up the very powerful weapon the nursing breast can be. Need her to quieten down? Shove a breast. Want to bargain for extra few minutes of sleep-in? Shove a breast.When she gets to Glory's age, i could probably shove an iPad instead, but for now, nursing is THE wonder.

And i think the great reluctance to stop is also because we don't plan on a third child. Which means that once i allow the supply to dwindle to zero, I would NEVER get to nurse again.  Ever. That part of my life would be irreversibly over. The purpose of a breast would be done and over with for good - you carry them around from puberty to grave, but they were useful only for these measly 19 months.

So i nursed on, though frankly, no one is gonna miss my milk if i do stop altogether. Celeste takes so much solids now, milk probably makes up just 20% of her daily nutrients. Furthermore, she takes formula milk quite happily now. 

Maybe i'm nursing more for my own sake than hers?

Well, i'm sure the day will come when she will on her own initiative wean herself off it. Already, there are occasions she declined to nurse...
For now, i'll just treasure each session as they come and let her decide on when to stop.
 But maybe set an arbitrary compulsory cut-off date of um, say, 11.11.2011.