Spring-cleaning in autumn

i thought that once the ordeals of pregnancy were over, i would go charging again. Was looking forward to it in a way... the challenges, the dreams, the ideals... The productivity and sense of accomplishment each day brings.
But perhaps all that has to be unlearnt- and embark on a new and different season. To re-learn to blessedness of stillness and intimacy. To learn the fruitfulness and joy of motherhood, of marriage, of family, of friends.

Perhaps a spring-cleaning is needed first.
In autumn.

Where dried leaves keep falling (like post-natal hair loss) and clearing of dead leaves never seem to end. It isn't easy. We used to plant and prune, watching each bud with great anticipation. When the blossoming started, we rejoiced at the harvest, the beauty, the joy. Then the cherished blooms once held so dear slowly withered. And now has to fall. And all that remains is to sweep them away. Perhaps pile it around the old tree, and wait for spring again.

Yet there is joy and relief in the recognition of the seasons.
To know what is needed for now, to know what i need not hold onto.
To know that it is not an abnormally, not a disease, not a fault, but merely a sign of the season.

What then, this season?
My baby, my husband, my family.
My students, each charge under me.
My friends, the church, the heart ministry.
Prayer life, the Word, regular exercise, intimate worship.

Rocks in, pebbles out.

Those little hands…

Those little hands…
So tiny and soft.
Chubby and dimpled, they look like starfish. Even when sticky and (frankly) smelly, they are cute.
I love the way they roam all over my face, exploring gently.
I love the way they fiddle with my hands as i lay next to her, playing with each finger, grabbing and rubbing.
When she grabs my fingers as I nurse her on Monday mornings, I feel I shouldn’t leave for work.

If only i could hide you in my pocket and take you with me.

no time, no time!

1. enjoyed my bday celebration. Fullerton stay was great! =) dinner @ the koh's great! HP's food was wonderful, and the company fantastic.
2. enjoying motherhood after all! =) i love glory, she's such a darling. and she's funny. and she's cute. love her love her love her!!!
3. going back to work's ok too. super busy, exhausted, but- well, ok. It's not as monotonous as being at home attached to the baby 24/7 (though i wish i could see more of her than i currently get to...) , feels more productive, colleagues are nice, and students seem more loveable now. Though i still don't want a son. =P
4. am planning to go to vietnam at year end! =)
5. had this strange night, when i couldn't stop thinking about being trapped under rubbles. but i think it was good. i feel... enlightened...

wanna journal more but... no time!!!
but i must i must!
it's an interesting season.
and i think i like it.