Hoping to be a Housewife, Learning to be a Leader

I've always harboured hopes of being a housewife. Especially when i'm overworked, stressed, tired... or just feeling lazy. How nice, if my duty in life is simply to make breakfast for munch, clean up the house, and go for gym/spa/facials/shopping in the afternoon, then come home and prepare a grand feast for dinner. Then i'd stand near the door, where i'd be able to hear munch coming home, and rush to greet him when he returns. Then he'd heartily enjoy the sumptious dinner, complete with homemade desserts (new one every day), and we'd go for a walk where he'd tell me all about his day.
And when the kids come along, i'd take them swimming in the afternoons, or go for picnics at the beach, where they can play, finish up their schoolwork, and we'd discover the great outdoors together. Then we'd prepare dinner for Daddy together, and surprise him at the door when he returns from work.
Ha. Very politically-incorrect... like a step backwards for feminists. hiakz. but that's my ideal life ;P I wanna be a xiao nu ren.

But... i know that's not what God has planned for me. haiz.... not a chance. God has made it quite clear.

So i suppose i have to learn.

Had work review with lloyd on monday.
And i know what i'm to work on. Managerial, leadership.
yes, i'm still stuck there.

The way i run the NE Committee, or the Kidz Club... it is apparent to me what i lack.
i just find it so hard to keep monitoring, insisting on my way, ensure compliance etc. i cut people too much slack. i don't push hard, i don't "scold", i care too much that everyone feels good and happy. Ha... remember writing about it before. my "paiseh-style" of leadership.
God allows me to see the vision, and my heart is very combustible when it comes to visions from God. But it's the managerial, day-to-day strategies, and monitoring of people that makes it fall flat.

I thought about it and decided i really dunno how to do it.
I thought of retreating, or just staying put and not learning, but i know that's not what God intends.
I thought about it and i still dunno how to learn it.
The only thing i know to do is pray that God will give that to me.

Pray pray pray then...

but i dunno how to answer to lloyd when he asks me what my plans to work on my AFIs are.

"i've decided to pray and ask God for the gift of managerial skills."

Happily Ever After

When young, "happily ever after" was to be expected. it was an assumption that one day, everything works out. Good triumphs over evil, Prince comes on white horse (or silver ferrari), fairy-tale wedding takes place, and then comes the proverbal "happily ever after". Funny how fairy tales always end at the wedding. Didn't Cinderella have kids? How well did Sleeping Beauty and her husband get along? Would he complain that she slept too much? Who did the housework? oh wait. they all married princes/had fairy godmother. i suppose housework was never an issue.
As i grew, being one of the tail-end Gen X-er, the castles disappeared, and cynicism took their place instead. What prince? Why would i want to get married at all? There's no such thing as "happily ever after" - that's only for Disney stories. When a dose of Reality gets thrown into the equation, "happily ever after" seems to vaporize.
or so i thought.
But truth is, i think in many aspects, i am living in the "happily ever after". Not boringly simple like the last line in story books, but in little nuggets, hidden amongst the Realities.

Like marriage with Munch. Sure, we didn't have the grandest glitziest wedding, we're not like some storybook couple. Yet, so much of it is so ... ideal. Open communication, harmonious relationship, common passion. He's patient, encouraging, and so appreciative of every small thing i do.
And the pleasures we share... like waking up early for our daily prayer & breakfast. It's just... such a nice, fuzzy-warmy thing i get to enjoy EVERYDAY. And updating each other about our day in school, knowing that we're both understood and supported. Like strolling together, dining at a nice place occasionally... it's almost too good to be true, and better than simply "happily ever after".

And when i take a good look around, i find many other things that are so delightful. Like the lives that are changed and transformed, like the students who have grown in character and maturity and wisdom... Yeah, once in awhile things happen, and the boat seems to be rocked, yet when i look carefully, the growth is real and good!

i like the nuggets of "happily ever after" that i see.
it's not ALL perfect YET.
but for now, i am thankful for the nuggets.

Ermmm...Thanks...

Yay-hey! It's Friday!
What a week it's been...
Meaningful, revealing, sometimes upsetting, sometimes disappointing, sometimes filled with hope of a better tomorrow, sometimes filled with thoughts of what could have been and should have been...

Philippians 4
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.


When faced with harsh and difficult situations, Paul didn't sulk or go into depression nor gave up his life mission. "Rejoice" he wrote.
Remember the reality of God, remember He is close by. Just pray, remember God is real, remember the things He has done and give thanks, and pray. Obey, and rest in God's peace.

Like... so simple ah?

Here we go then.... i shall not worry about the many things. i shall just give thanks for the week, and pray.

So, God Dearest, Thanks! Yeah, actually, the week has really been meaningful and precious. Although there were many incidents that i wished never happened, i suppose they were lessons for me and others.

I think a main thanksgiving would be the meet up with her. You know i needed it. and i thank You for it. so... was it the closure i need? Or did i even need a closure at all? Well, ministry-wise, meeting with her was like an extra-confirmation of what God said to me. i have peace, and i know what's the right thing to do. But mentorship-wise & relationally, i think it isn't closed, and it doesn't need to be closed. hehe... sounds like some "soul-tie" thingy, but i think it is not a bad thing that we need to discard, but a precious thing that is meant to be there. we have inherited a portion, we have received something into our spirits. And i still want to keep inheriting ... there's still so much more she's got that i want to learn!! so... i dunno... can it not be over? i'm still motherless leh...

And God, thanks for your faithfulness in her life. It's so amazing, the way you made everything that counts work out. Hearing about how you saved & reconciled her family really built my faith. You are so real!!! and so faithful!!! Bless her Lord... not just in her work and family, but in her relationship with you. Just let everything else fade away - be all resolved or just be peaceful for a season or something. Let her find that place again Lord. There, she's safe. There, she's strong. There, she can do great things with clear convictions and clear directions from your spirit, and lead so many others closer to you. Let her be There, God!!!

And i want to be There too... Sorry that sometimes i act as if you are not real- by being anxious, rying to work things out by my own strength or human wisdom, or by neglecting to pray. Really, the power-place is right at your feet. Remind me often, God, so that i may live victoriously.

And thank you, Holy Spirit, for illuminating the issues and helping me understand and see. You are really the best teacher and counsellor! i suppose through the last year or so, i've had to grow up a bit more... and i know that somehow i am still not really 100% ok... the sense of detachment, the wariness and weariness... the occasional rebellious thoughts and feelings.....
Help me to keep coming to you lord...u know how tempting it is to just give up and escape. but i know you will give me the grace and strength to persevere, to be wise, to be discerning, to be submissive and fruitful.

I want to be There.