Sure you're safe?

i live amongst people who believe they are going to heaven.
me too.
i read john bevere's latest book, and i was reminded that i need to work out my salvation with fear and trembling.
i can believe all i want that i am God's favourite. i can believe all i want that i'm gonna get to heaven no matter what.
but if they are not true, that's just self-deception, and it won't do me any good, no matter how earnestly i believe.

in the book he used an allegory, where 3 professing christians didn't make it.
one, Double life. He taught one thing but lived another. Kena worst judgement, coz he's a teacher and caused others to stumble.
two, Faint Heart. She was a true believer, but because of unforgiveness and bitterness, she drifted away from God. And when the day came, she was out. she actually LOST her salvation.
three, Deceived. He believed so much in "grace". He believed so much that whatever his sins, God would forgive him because of Love. So he practiced a sinful lifestyle. When the time came, he was out.

You know what's scary? They were all convinced they were going to heaven.
But this wrong assumption can be so costly. too costly. for eternity, it's hell, fire, worms, darkness, loneliness.
Can you imagine? I tried to imagine what i'd feel if like them, on judgement day, instead of hearing, "well done, good and faithful servant", i'm told,"away from me, you who practise evil". And that's judgement - not a test anymore, but judgement. Final. Decides rest of eternity. No time to "repent later"

A lot of horrible thoughts and fears came to me.
Confusion, lies, arrows...
While i can do nothing to earn salvation, but once given, i do have to work it out with fear and trembling.
who are those called sons of god? "as many as are led by the spirit of God". Not by sinful desires.
Holy spirit is given as deposit guaranteeing our inheritance - does it mean this deposit will never be forfeited? does it mean once saved always saved?
yet, to those who drove out demons, prophesied, healed with HS's power, yet at the last day, Jesus said to them, "i never knew you."
"evil-doers".
“grace”

i wanted to have faith, yet feared being deceived. i believe in grace, yet i know it can't be taken for granted. i wanted to feel the same security i always had, yet feared i was delusional. Some stupid southpark episode kept coming back to my mind, about how it was like a gamble choosing what to believe, and end up “mormon” was the correct bet… Mad.

then God prompted me to practise what i taught the children last saturday. when you hear lies in your minds, cover your ears and stop listening. And then He told me why the attacks came, why i could be "intimidated" by those lies.

Mind not renewed by the word, not illuminated by the spirit. Not keeping my armour on.

The kingdom of God, the gospel... these are things of the spirit. and if i persist in thinking thru all these with worldly wisdom, no wonder the fears would start.
And it's amazing how God again spoke to me about this thru yesterday's sermon
http://www.brighton.org.sg/
(go to "come hear our sermons" - 10 sept)
And thru His word, which answers EVERYTHING!
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=52&chapter=1&version=31
(read Romans)

And how do we beat Satan at his own game? Let God change everything to good. So for the fears that attacked me, i let them propel me to dig deep into God's word. and i resolved to let the Spirit illuminate truths that human wisdom can never understand.

To God:
I will be still before you and let your spirit bring understanding and truth and real comfort to me again. And let you search my heart and bring all sins to light. So that Jesus' holiness be manifested in me, and every trace of sinfulness get scrubbed off. So that i will have a pure heart that loves God.

Enemy:
Ha, want me to be scared? want me to give up on the race by telling me there's no hope at the end? that the goal is unattainable? that everything could well be in vain? HA! BAH to you! Fat hope. you'll never win me over.

i love jesus. My master is Jesus.
and while it's true my heart may go hard, my love may grow cold, i may still sin because i am still work-in-progress, i hereby eternally resolve to belong to jesus.
Forever.
And He HAS given me the strength to turn from wickedness.
And with his grace, i shall keep my heart eternally tender towards Him.

And what does this mean for me? i will work out my salvation with fear and trembling. i will not take his grace for granted. i will stay close and abide in him. i will spend time in the word so that i will not be deceived by false teachers.
just as importantly, i must be careful what i teach the kids. the sinners' prayer is not a magical chant that transports us from hell to heaven. they need to be disciples of jesus, truly follow Jesus, obey jesus.

And, this is long overdue.
There was someone who posted a comment, inviting me to visit a website that quotes verses from the bible and presents an evil god.
i understand where you are coming from. i understand that many christians may appear very delusional/ mad to you. i did take a brief look at the site, but truth is, the verses were taken out of context, and, with due respect to a fellow human, the author of the site doesn't know God, and has not yet understood the bible.
i appreciate your cordiality and would like to explain why i cannot approve the comment. it's not that i cannot tolerate a different viewpoint, but imagine this.
if your girlfriend has enemies, and someone set up a hate-site for her, and sends you a comment with a link to the site, i'm sure you won't approve it. in the same way, i couldn't approve it. not just because i disagree with what the site says, but also because i love God. i have a relationship with Him, an affection for Him.
So, more than intellectually disagreeing with the contents, i cannot be "objective" about my feelings for God, and link my site with a site that misrepresents Him.
But you are welcome to continue sharing your views with me! =)

Oscar and the Kurse of the Klutz

No papparazi, no taxable goody bags, but OSCAR NIGHT nevertheless! that's the theme of this year's teachers day dinner.
And it marked the start of THE MISS CONGENIALITY CURSE!

YESH YESH. Blame it all on Sandra Bullocks. During the teachers day dinner, i was given the Miss Congeniality "Award" for being smiley and the Klutzy Kurse kicked in the very next day.

We had to go for the Teachers Day Rally, and I left my Teachers' Day Rally Invitation card at home. Edwin n nora started saying, "hey, i've never noticed it about you before... but really hor, you are quite... errr... miss congeniality hor?" Agh. And they started joking about the miss congeniality curse. ok... it WAS quite funny. but so poor thing rite? only sharon pitied me and fed me some chocolates. =) so...i ended up spending $30 on cab rushing around looking for the silly card. And YES IT WAS PEAK HOUR. DARN. I'm gonna get sacked from SSCB...

Then i queued half an hour for the loo .. when there was another one in the Expo Hall! By then my colleagues were all seated in the audi... and somehow i couldn't find them when actually i walked RIGHT PAST them and they were calling me. (Aloy had to run to get me, and he asked "how come you couldn't see us? We were all calling you!" i sensed the amazement/exasperation in his voice) And the Miss Congeniality jokes continued.

After the rally, we had to walk to the bus and i walked as carefully as i could, watching out for all those knee-high barriers (see, they're out to get me!) and congratulating myself for not bumping into them, or tripping over the curbs in my platforms. Brainspeak * ha, think you're gonna get me again? no way man! i won't give em one more chance to mention the Miss Congeniality joke again!* And i kept my eyes on the ground all the time. Except for about 3 seconds. And i stepped into a puddle of water. And whadyaknow... the jokes started again.

Now i do NOT believe that curses will work on me. Hey, i claim every promise in Psalm 91! but just for that evening... it was Agh-ifying.

i've never considered myself a KLUTZ. i mean, i danced, wakeboarded, inline-skated and played hockey, and those aren't exactly for ppl with two left feet rite? So let me make that clear, I'm no Klutz! oh... ok...sometimes, i'm a klutz, but only once in a long long long while.

Ha, like almost walking into a bin on my first date with S.K.C.
Or when i almost fell down the stairs the first year i taught and ripped my fav purple skirt.
Or when i walked and my platforms forgot to follow my feet.
Or when i bumped into my computer tray in office and got bruises all over my thigh.
Oh, and that time at Orchard outside Wheelocks... gosh, THAT was embarrassing.

Hey... wait a minute................

D=

shoots!

Funny, Mature, Weird, Cute, Wise, Silly, Caring, Manly, Childish.. all at once.

wow.. they're gonna graduate soon. it's hard for me to put it in words, but they're special. heh.. when i hear complaints about them, i'm always surprised. perhaps it's just like how a mother always feels her kids are the cutest and bestest, and can never believe anything bad about them. to me they're lovable. Why?

• sometimes they sing. like... in the middle of class/ along the corridor/ anywhere. something triggers them off and they start a chorus together... ALL HAIL MK... ALL HAIL MK.. ALL HAIL MK... Weird rite?!
• they're more sensible now. sometimes (SOMETIMES) during poa lessons, when i see all of them so engaged in the questions, all trying so hard, and the only conversations they have are about the questions, i feel so proud of them. so grown-up rite? i wasn't so sensible when i was in sec school. it's hard to believe some of them used to break-dance in class/ refuse to sit down/ bully teachers...
• they're MEN. gosh, dun get the wrong idea, i have no weird interest in them. I once told them, babies do whatever they feel like doing, eat whenever they feel eating, but real men have learned to discipline themselves. i think most (some?) of them are men now! at least they stand smartly during assembly. and in spite of personal setbacks, problems etc, they still do their best to be responsible, strong. it must be tough sometimes, but still they try to cope and that's admirable.
• Caring.. i appreciate the way some of them carry heavy newspapers up to the 4th floor, run up and down without grumbling, offer to help me with my heavy bags, make friends with difficult ppl, ha, and even clean up puke. It's one thing to do it when asked, but these boys, they do it on their own accord, and it's wonderful, to see them grow and care for others.

Some are from my very first form class, and that's 3 years together! some of them are from the very first class i taught when i first started teaching. which means we've known each other for almost 4 years! In the words of one of them, they've "watched me grow up". Ha, it's true. I still remember sitting on the floor to teach a group of 6 students becoz the rest weren't interested in the lessons. =)

we've had conversations about aliens, God, shared about my love life (?!), their love lives, friends, sorrows, happiness, family, stress, girlfriends, church... i think that makes them more than just POA students to me.

Yeah, so for all the pay raise MOE can give us, or the additional manpower, or promotions, i think at the end of the day, what i really want is to see generations of youths living their lives well, becoming people of godly characters, people who will be a blessing to others, making a stand for truth and righteousness even where their previous generations have failed.
Though i wouldn't mind getting a pay raise or a promotion along with it... =)